Hi Ian

No doubt all the plans needed for the wedding are in full swing and you have your hands full with work, house sale and life in general.  So much going on for you and hope you getting plenty of support from friends and family.  Hope the date means your son can enjoy your happy day before he sets off to his new home too. Am now imagining Jack in a new collar too!  Will be thinking of you and Julie as you begin a new journey together and wish you much happiness.  Take care  Hugs Jules x

Hi Jules,

My hubby too could watch taped UK TV comedies forgetting he has seen them the day before and amazingly when watching Moto gp would come out with very lucid comments which were spot on.  He was very keen on bikes etc. Had a bit  if a meltdown past few days, miss him so much.  Can't stop crying. His passing has created such a void.  If he was here I' d kick his aspidistra (being polite).  Sadness compounded by his kitten being possibly hit by car Friday evening requiring urgent trip to vet.  Op required next day but unfortunately little bloke didn't make it.  Is laid to rest in garden out the back.  Ah well they are together now, the big fella and his mate, the only cat we've had who hubby was not allergic to.  Son travelled from the country to be with me last night which was much appreciated.  I return to work Nov 3 for four weeks before being made redundant but that's the least of my worries.  Get a bit miffed with govt departments here who now classify me as single, I am not, I am still married, it's just he's not physically here anymore

Take care

Hi Kathy

Of course, I cannot relate to the loss of a partner but send big virtual hug to you during these difficult grieving days. Such a shock for you to have to lose the little kitten too so no wonder you are emotionally spent just now. When my Mum lost Dad she also said she did not feel 'single' but in the eyes of the law of course you are in the physical sense.  It took time but she did lose the anger about it and still chatted to him in her garden especially if she had something worrying her and always felt calmer for it.  The forum  is great to help you write your feelings down and there are plenty of lovely people offering listening ears when you feel able to share - sadly know thats not the same as having your  husband by your side in person.  Small steps to be taken day by day. Look after yourself and hope you have support of family and friends too. Hugs  Jules x

Hi Ian and Jules,

Thank you both for your support at this difficult time.

Ian, I read Debbie's story this am and it blew me away.  I am sure it has helped more than people than you will ever know.  Thank you for sharing.

I have my 4 year old grandson sleeping over tonight to 'look after Nanna Boo' as he has seen both his mum and dad doing this recently.  He wants to stay with me for a million years - guess he has never seen me crabby-

Looking at this angelic face now asleep I realise that a part of hubby lives on in him, his sister and of course our son.  What beautiful gifts he has left me.  Must have had a lightbulb moment earlier when I thought he would not want me being miserable, but to enjoy life and embrace every moment.  Yes have received a boot to the posterior to brighten up, so am in a much better frame of mind today thankfully.

Tomorrow we will feed the ducks next door on the wetlands, proper duck pellets, do weeding, watering, look for bugs -snaily wailey and sluggy wuggy and pack as much fun in as we can before his dad picks him up later. 

Well time for bed, will encourage dog to move down a bit to make room for me and hope I don't snore too much, little one will think a dinosaur is in the house.

Kathy

Hi Kathy

Always great when you have kiddies to keep you 'focused'.  We have two, aged just 1 and coming up to 6 and have the occasional sleepover or babysitting duties when we are in a position to help out.  Recognise the 'bug hunting' as the eldest loves to go to the park on nature hunts and this time of year under the logs/leaves plenty to see.  He is on half term now and as our son in law has three days holiday  from tomorrow and the weather is being very kind to us at the moment they will be out and about.  He went with a friend to tennis club today (his friend's Dad run's it) and he just loves to be outside.(they live just 15mins walk away).  My hubby has been sleeping a great deal today so have kept myself busy with 'quiet housework' plus visiting Mum (she is in care) and then once lunch was out of the way I  mowed the lawn.  Have just spent a couple of hours catching up with a couple of tv programmes through iplayer and will relax for the rest of the day as back into work tomorrow.  Take care of yourself. Jules x

Hi Jules,

You really are a marvel, being by hubby's side and coping with mum, I take my hat off to you.  You are always so positive and supportive to others. 

Had a ball with grandson, such beautiful manners, a real charmer, obviously didn't inherit it from his grandpa and me.

I can relate to you doing quiet housework while hubby sleeping but glad you are doing a few things that give you a modicum of pleasure.  It is so important for you to look after yourself and keep your strength up.

Take care

Kathy

Hi Kathy

Thank you for your post.  It brought tears to my eyes ...it was Deb's biggest heart ache ~in having to face premature death ~ that of never seeing any grandchildren before she left.  She so wanted to be a grandma too.  It is the one thing that hurts me so much in knowing...  I guess my story on this thread is one of surviving the loss, but it doesn't stop the need from time to time for just crying out the emotions over the wrong that was done to the one we loved and who has been taken from this world unfairly..

Lots of care and love to you

Ian x

Hi Kathy

I really smiled when I read your kind words.  Before my hubby's diagnosis I was very much the negative half of our relationship but I feel cancer changes all who come into contact with it in one way or another. I am just taking on a different role in our lives now and without the support  I myself have received from our children and good friends/workmates and through my forum buddies I do not know where I would be.  I struggle most days in one form or another but we have no choice other than to accept what happens in our lives, cope the best we can and try and manage time effectively.  When typing it, it makes it sound so matter of fact (very much like my Dad would have spoken about things though).  The reality is that no one wants to be in this position, nor wish to see loved ones struggling with any illness, physical or mental, but in the end, it is what it is and sadly I have no control over it (that has been and remains the most frustrating part of our journey).  Sorry for rambling (terrible habit!) but all those who read/write on this forum understand the rollercoaster ride that cancer or any debilitating illness brings to the whole family.  Any little way I can offer support to others is a privilege and only technology on forums like this makes it possible.  (just hate it now when my internet fails and never thought I would hear myself say that.)

On a lighter note, hope your time with your grandson was very special, though no doubt tiring.  Our daughter and family are off to a theme park today to see if they can control some of the excess energy their eldest boy always has!  I am off to work soon and hubby has monthly check in with GP and am expecting him to get another slap on the wrist for not following her last instructions (gentle exercise and more food!) - he just has no interest in much at all most of the time. Hey ho.

Look after yourself, sending virtual hugs  Jules

Hi Ian

Just wanted to wish you a peaceful and enjoyable weekend.  Can understand your emotional melt down on reading Kathy's post but lovely to know that Debbie's legacy will continue on this forum and that a brave lady's words mean so much to so many. Hugs  Jules x