Hi Ian

You are so right about seizing the moment.  If you and Julie are 'in harmony' then it is so right for you both to find that happiness together. Really wish you all the very best in the future and hope your friends and family can be happy that you have been 'lucky in love'. This is your life and you are doing what feels right for the two of you - Jack(the dog) and Julie's cat will just have to accept it.  My son in law's Dad has also found love (third time round) following the death of his second wife (divorced son in law's Mum many years ago) and its good to see him married and settled again after going through such heartache of the loss/grieving process.   Have a great weekend.  Jules x

Hi Jules,

I've been neglecting my friends here!  I've just been so busy with so much and plans and having been away for a weekend break to Marrakech!   All good here how are things with you?

lot of love Ian XX

Hi Ian

Its not neglect; it getting out and enjoying life again and am just really happy for you that you have found this second chance at the 'good life'.

We are trundling along from one appointment to the next (usually  monthly with GP and tri monthly with hospital).  Hubby struggling more mentally than physically sadly and though his GP called me in to try and help encourage him to enjoy the quality of life he currently has, nothing I say makes any difference.   She wanted him getting out of the house on a regular daily basis but he still prefers to sit indoors - depression is something I have seen too much off (Mum long term sufferer) and recognise that is what we are trying to deal with.  Just trying to do my best to cope day to day.  Hey ho.  At least when he sees the children/grandchildren he makes a little effort to interact for half hour or so,  He seems to still enjoy his Friday evening with his mate though no longer drinking they still go down the local and its a change of scene for him.

Hope you have a good weekend ahead - seems that we may be enjoying some good temperatures even though its a bit showery here today. I am a fairweather gardener but may have to change my way of thinking as it gives me a change of scene.  Sending virtual hugs.  Jules 

Hi Jules,

Thanks for the up-date and kind words.  I know how hard it must be caring for hubby and keeping the bright face on things ~ it is seriously difficult: I know.  It sounds as if you are doing a grand job at it.  You just have to go with the flow and ebb of things.  At least if he gets out a bit thats still a positive.  When he can't maybe his mates can come visit at home and cheer him up.

For my bit I have just put my house on the market!  A new future needs this and it is a the next stage for me in the process of moving on ~ though still a difficult one to make.

have a great weekend

Love and hugs

Ian xx

Thanks for your 'knowing' words Ian. Going with the flow seems to be the 'new normal' these days though the hardest part is the knowing (from the medics' viewpoint) that physically he could be 'out and about' but mentally he cannot lift himself to manage it.  This fills me with such sadness at missed opportunity as he seems happier when he sends me out alone. Catch 22 - if I stay he sleeps and its weird to watch the vivid dreaming (a small price to pay for being pain free I  know) with more conversations in his dreamstate than when he is really awake and when I go out, the 'too much overthinking'.  Head and heart do not always agree.  I like your thinking of his friends coming to visit and I know they would (and his main buddy who he sees each Friday would not hesitate when that need arises) but because of his 'away from home working life' he has few mates and has, in the past two years, made no efforts to keep up contact.  I am lucky to have support from the children but want them to be able to enjoy their own lives too.  Of course, as you well know, you cannot help feeling unhappy at having to manage these 'alone' times (or guilty at being able to escape from time to time) but each day I try and get him to achieve small steps and the knock backs do take their toll emotionally.

Enough of my rambles (he is already back asleep having had breakfast and fixing machines in his dreamstate).

It must be a very emotional time for you at present with so many memories tucked up in your current house but when you know you have a  second chance of  happiness I can understand the need to move to pastures new. Have you and Julie got a date for your wedding or are you waiting till the property situation is sorted?

Wishing you the best of luck with selling.  We have only ever lived where we are now but hubby's sister and brothers' places are both currently on the market and 'they have not found it as straightforward as they had hoped (their plans would have seen them in the Isle of Man by mid November but neither are at 'contract' stage yet) and they are not enjoying the process much.  Hubby's sister retires at the end of next week  after 50 yrs of working full time so she deserves her 'rest'.  The property they are hoping to get on the Isle of Man needs complete modernisation and has been empty for many months so think the three of them will be kept busy over the winter months if they manage to get everything on track.

Well the sun is shining here and in a couple of hours I am going for my walk (third Sunday in the month there is a lovely Artisan Craft and Farmers Market within half hours walk) and ham hoping to find a few gifts.  Hope you are having a peaceful weekend.  Look after yourself. hugs Jules x

I am sure you recognise your own needs to move on with life in general and those decisions, though hard beyond belief

Hi Jules, if hubby does not want to eat perhaps offer naughty things like choc mousse, ice cream, custard anything that might tickle his fancy.  I was so pleased when hubby ate anything even though only a mouthful or two of real food.  If he does not want anything you have to respect his wishes although it will be hard for you.  The cheery smiley face will need to be put on to support him. Sorry if I am talking out of turn but lost hubby  12 days ago and nursed him passionately till the end putting a brave face on it to make it easier for him.  You have a lot of support on this website Jules, people love you, you are a very special lady

Xx

Hi Kathy

Thanks so much for your supportive words and understanding (but sad that you know only too well what we are facing on our journey). In no way are you talking out of turn and am truly appreciative of how hard it must be for you to respond when going through such a recent loss yourself.  No words can aptly be offered at these times by my thoughts are with you and your family.

   My 'sunny face' in place when with hubby (well, most of the time).  He want's normality so am doing my best(think he prefers it if I am a bit grumpy as he thinks this is how I should be given the situation!).  Current favourite snack is Vienetta (has gone off the biscuits and chocolate at the moment) which is usually his lunch or supper but he can have it whenever he wants as far as I am concerned. He won't eat unless reminded (though often 'eats in his sleep!!)  It is a day to day process with some better than others and just grabbing at all the 'good bits' when they occur.  He still accepts small meals but we have the prescribed shakes to 'add on' or replace when he wants them (he actually likes them which is a bonus).  GP is pretty sure its depression at this time and as a family we are trying to 'entice' him outside the home with 'little trips'  so he can enjoy the quality of life he currently has whilst he still has the opportunity.  No easy task as he was a workaholic and is lost without it.   This forum has been awesome in its support and its so appreciated as actually holds me together on some days.  Sending you virtual hugs.. Look after yourself. Jules x

Hi Jules,

So glad to read your hubby went out the other day, that must have put a smile on your dial.  As he was such a workaholic can you entice him to make plans for eg garden in future or plans for some other change showing his input is respected and valued.  We planned our veggie plot together and since hubby has gone 2 weeks tdy I have planted the seedlings as discussed and as I water them in the morning I talk to him and comment on how well they are doing.  Sorry if it sounds mad but.....I believe if it works and is hurting no on else do it.

Hot today 39 degrees so left cooler on for dog while I nipped out to shops.  Dog was hubby's loyal-companion so have to monitor his depression now.  The 2 cats are fairly self sufficient as cats are, but dog I need to watch

Kathy xx

Hi Kathy

Does not sound at all mad to me.  When Dad died Mum had him in a garden planter and constantly talked to him about what she was up to.  Now she is in care and we are 'looking after' Dad' until they can be reunited (she has given me written instructions).  This is always a very personal decision.

As to hubby we have spent two years involving him in family plans as well as trying to encourage 'new indoor hobbies' but he rarely 'takes the bait' (goes fishing with our son when the weather allows).  We are lucky to have our children/grandchildren close by and we both still enjoy Friday evenings out with respective friends.  With heavy pain relief he does not always remember well so likes to watch constant repeats on the TV.  Is currently working his way through a few snacks as he watches some motorsport which we see as a bonus.  He basically does what he used to do when not working (as he used to travel the world on business he has always been one for just being indoors) though he never wanted to retire let alone be forced into it early which is what has caused the depression.  Encouragement is gentle and as a family we take it day by day.  Thank you for your  kind thoughts and do take care of yourself during this difficult grieving period.  Jules x