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Struggling to know how I feel. Dad terminal cancer.

Moony1987
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Hi all, my dad was recently diagnosed with lung cancer after months of treatment for an abscess. By the time they realised they were wrong it was too late. He's had a nasty infection and they said if they could get that under control they could try radiotherapy to slow the growth. Eventually they started the radiotherapy but quickly realised it has no affect. The cancer is growing so fast his blood vessels can't keep up. It's spread and this week we found out that nothing can help him. They say it could be days or possibly weeks but not months. 
Today Iv said what I needed to say to him, I know he's going to be gone soon but I just feel so numb, not just to my dads situation but to life. I just feel like I'm not part of my day? I am grieving for certain he's just always been there and he won't be soon. I do understand the process but I can't seem to get myself to catch up. Does anyone have any advice? I need to feel whole again to support my mum and sisters properly. Thank you

  • Hi Moony1987,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through with your dad. This sounds like an awful lot to deal with - try not to put pressure on yourself to be a certain way for others; it's OK to need some time for yourself.

    Take things slowly - one day, or less - at a time. Do what you can to look after yourself as well as those around you. It's important to keep speaking to others where possible, and that can of course include those on the forum here - we are always here for support whenever you need it. There will be others here with similar experience and who understand, so hopefully you'll receive further replies soon.

    If you feel you'd like additional support, please have a look at Macmillan and Maggie's, who both have a number of resources as well as helplines and physical centres.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Offline in reply to Moderator Ben

    Thank you it was nice to sign in an see a reply it means a lot.

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    I am so very very sorry to read your post regarding your Dad's diagnosis. I can completely know how you feel, my Mum was suddenly diagnosed in January/february of this year although they did a biopsy in her left lung (the tumor was found in her right lung this year) in 2017 and although they were chronic changes in her right upper lobe they decided to stop all CT scans to keep an eye on it, how I wish with all my heart I had stopped this decision and pushed for continued check-ups/biopsy in right lung. I feel heartbroken now over this. My Mum passed away in May.

    I also grieved in advance and after Mum passed away I was in complete shock, numb. To some extent I still am. I go from crying to disbelief. My life feels unreal too. All your feelings are completely understandable and normal. You are going through the biggest situation with someone you love with all your heart that has been in your life all your life. Please don't expect to feel normal. Its overhwelming which is why you are struggling to 'catch up'. I still feel now that my life is surreal, I just can't get my head around any of it. You will be strong when the time is right for you to support your Mum and Sisters, its amazing but the strength when needed just comes from nowhere. You will all support and give each other the strength but I am not saying that after it will be easy. I can't say anything to make you feel ok with whats going on because its just utterly devastating. All I can say is continue as you are, be there for your Dad and your family and support each other and love each other, thats all you can do. We are here for when you need to talk, we understand your situation and I understand your pain. Please do not feel you alone. Just remember you can't feel or think normally when everything around you is falling apart, its ok to not be ok. take good care of yourself, thinking of you all.

    Jane

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    Anticipatory grief is as common as it is difficult to cope with.

    Be kind to yourself - you do not need to support your relatives, rather you all need to support each other and your Dad. 

    There's no quick fix, someone once said that grief is the price we pay for loving and for being loved. Just like love, the grieving process can't be rushed. We all need time to help us start to cope with this life changing event and we all experience grief differently. I was emotionally numb for months after my Mum died of cancer.
     

    Best wishes

    Dave
     

     

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