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Hospice or home?

Hannah271990
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Hi all..

My mum got diagnosed with lung cancer in october 2021. She had 2 tumours removed but in january she stopped walking due to pain in bone and they discovered the cancer had metastasized to her bone and  skull.

Since she has had 1 session of radiotherapy and had a metal rod inserted to strengthen the bone as it was fractured. 

She is still unable to walk and cannot even sit up. She has now been moved to a Marie Curie hospice and is on multiple pain relief including anaesthetic into her leg. She has developed bedsores stage 2 on her lower back and has to have dressing changed twice a day.

We are waiting for a scan to determine how effective the radiotherapy has been but the nurses are saying if shes not strong enough for chemo she wont have it.

She just lies there and drifts off every now and then

Shes in severe pain so has lots of meds...i think its best she came home as all that shes having is dressing changed and pain relief. Shes saying she feels medical care is better in the hospice...

Given that she may not have long left..what is best

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    Hi Hannah, 

    I am so sorry to hear that your Mum's health has deteriorated so much. This is always such a difficult decision. Many people would prefer to die at home, surrounded by their loved ones, but it depends upon the circumstances surrounding those who would care for them. It does take a lot out of you and can become more difficult in the latter stages. You have to be sure that you are strong enough to be able to cope with this and that you would have some help from family and friends to care for your Mum.

    As Jenn has said, you may be able to get someone from the hospice to help with home care, or you may get carers coming in up to 4 times a day to see to her personal needs. In this case, her practice nurse and the district nurses may take over her pain control. You need to disuss this with the hospice staff and see what they feel would be best for your Mum. 

    Remember, that this can be a 24 hour a day task and there can be a lot of additional laundry to contend with. If she needs someone to see to her needs at night, you may manage to get a Macmillan nurse to sit with her. She may also need some build up foods, which can be prescribed for her. All of these things need to be arranged before you bring her home.

    I do hope that you come to the right decision for both of you - there really is no right or wrong way.

    Please let us know what you decide and remember, that we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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    Hi Hannah, 

    I am so sorry to hear that your Mum's health has deteriorated so much. This is always such a difficult decision. Many people would prefer to die at home, surrounded by their loved ones, but it depends upon the circumstances surrounding those who would care for them. It does take a lot out of you and can become more difficult in the latter stages. You have to be sure that you are strong enough to be able to cope with this and that you would have some help from family and friends to care for your Mum.

    As Jenn has said, you may be able to get someone from the hospice to help with home care, or you may get carers coming in up to 4 times a day to see to her personal needs. In this case, her practice nurse and the district nurses may take over her pain control. You need to disuss this with the hospice staff and see what they feel would be best for your Mum. 

    Remember, that this can be a 24 hour a day task and there can be a lot of additional laundry to contend with. If she needs someone to see to her needs at night, you may manage to get a Macmillan nurse to sit with her. She may also need some build up foods, which can be prescribed for her. All of these things need to be arranged before you bring her home.

    I do hope that you come to the right decision for both of you - there really is no right or wrong way.

    Please let us know what you decide and remember, that we are always here for you.

    Kind regards,

    Jolamine xx

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