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Really struggling after the loss of my mum.

TEDDYBEAR2204
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Hi, my mum was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, the day after I gave birth to my baby boy (may 2021)She had no symptoms at all. She was 60 years old, didn't drink or smoke. Exercised regularly. Never had any health conditions. She died 8 weeks after diagnosis. (July 2021). I am really really struggling with everything and i don't know where to turn. I have spoke to the GP and they have gave me antidepressants but they don't help. Every single second of every day is consumed by my thoughts of wanting to be with my mum. I have a baby and a 5 year old and a lovely boyfriend but I just don't want to exist without my mum. She was my whole world and it happened so fast, I have no reason to be alive anymore. I don't know what to do. Please give me some advice because I'm struggling to get through each day!

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    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... I was in my 30s when I lost both my amazing parents .... and my mum was my best buddy too .... 

    Be kind to your self first ... you've not long had a baby and your experiencing both the start of life and the end ... so your hormones will be all over the place .... loosing our mum's is, I think the second hardest loss, with only our children's loss greater ... 

    I felt after loosing my mum, she was saying I'm not gone, I'm right here beside you ... and when you think, they live through us ... we are half of them, so just look in the mirror, she's right there.... keep her tucked up in your heart and carry her with you ... she will see through your eyes ...

    I know my mum adored my kids ... so I think your mum would to ... they are part of her too ... I'm sure if she's looking down, she'd say, care for those kids, because one day they will be where you are now ... so make those memories for them to keep .. they will need you now, like you needed your mum to hold your hand ... in loving them, they will learn from you ... they lost a nan, so they need you even more ...

    Over time you learn to live without those we loose, but we never stop missing them ... but 30 years on, we still talk about my mum, and my grown kids still put her picture on their face book ... I think she'd be well proud ... so go on, you can do this, she will watch over you, make her proud ... and one day, you will be together ... but in the mean time, you have a very important job to do... being a mum too ...

    Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie x

  • Hi teddybear2204,

    Welcome to Cancer Chat. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss - I'm sure this must be incredibly difficult. Everyone's experience with grief is different and it may take time for things to feel more manageable again - but by taking things a day, or an hour, at a time, keep believing that things will get a little easier.

    In the meantime, there are options for support. If you feel able to, keep speaking to those around you as it usually helps to talk. We are of course always here on the forum too and there will be many others here who have experienced something similar. I can see you've had a lovely reply from Chrissie already.

    You may also find it helpful to explore bereavement counselling. Speaking to a professional can help with processing things, and it sometimes helps to speak to someone more neutral like this. Have a look at the Cruse website - here you can explore resources and can see local services too. They also have a helpline.

    Take care of yourself and as I say, we're always here for support.

    Wishing you all the best,

    Ben
    Cancer Chat Moderator

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    Hi, I just wanted to say that you are not alone. My mym died in May from metastatic breast cancer that spread to her bone marrow and lungs. Her breast cancer came back two years ago but we all thought it was being controlled, including her oncologist. We found out it had spread and that there was nothing they could do in February .  Her decline was very quick in the end. I have a 1.5 yr old and a 5 year old. It's been so hard. Every day at the beginning was a struggle and honestly it still feels likes I am walking through treacle every day. But I wanted to say that you do have a reason to live and that's for  your children. They need you like you needed your mum and you have to be there for them like your mum was for you
    I still break down every day, the cries and tears come from somewhere so deep it feels like it will never heal. But I know my mum's biggest concern was whether we (I have two sisters) would be ok and I know she would want us to be ok. I'm sure your mum felt the same. 
    this is the hardest thing me and my family have ever been through, her loss has left a huge gaping hole in our lives but we have to carry on, one day at a time. I look at my children every day and they make me smile, they give me a reason to get up as I hope do yours. Sending you lots of strength and love, we all need it. 

    best

    P.

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