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Lost my dad in 2 and a half weeks to pancreatic cancer.

Malles
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I've never posted on one of these before but my emotions are all over the place so I am posting in a desperate plea to connect with people who are or have been through similar things.

i lost my Dad on 11th august from a very short battle with pancreatic cancer. I've never known anyone close to me to have cancer before so didn't know what to expect. He was diagnosed late and as he was older and already very poorly from it spreading to his liver (jaundice, weakness and hadn't eaten in almost 2 months) there was nothing they could do and he passed away within 2 and a half weeks of diagnosis. The deterioration I saw was nothing like i could ever imagine and seeing someone I once saw as so strong, become so weak and vulnerable is broke my heart - I can't seem to get it out my head.

growing up I wasn't really that close to my dads but in my adult tears and after I had kids we grew closer. I am angry that he hid his symptoms from me until it was too late and that he hid the pain he was experiencing in his stomach. But at the same time I'm annoyed at myself for not persisting with getting him to see someone sooner when I thought he had just lost his appetite short term.

i don't know if anyone has been through anything similar but does this ever get any easier?

Parents
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    [@Malles]‍ 

    I guess our stories are similar. My mum also died from pancreatic cancer in March just 5 weeks after diagnosis. She had had a number of vague symptoms (bad lower back/late onset diabetes/blood in stools etc) for a while, but she never complained about these, since she was of a generation where people are generally stoical and because she put the symptoms down to old age. Also, because of the nature of pancreatic cancer, she had no reason to feel anything was serious until it was too late. It was only after she started getting serious stomach pains that caused her to start vomiting and prevented her from eating / drinking anything that I decided to call an ambulance, and she was diagnosed a few days later in hospital. From that point on, she never fully recovered and went down hill / deteriorated so quickly, it  was heartbreaking for both of us.

    I don't think there is much you could have done for your dad because pancreatic cancer is often not spotted until it is too late due to the vagueness of the symptoms (even our GP had no clue). I know my mum was trying to protect me to a certain extent, and maybe your dad was, too.

    It does get easier and those images you have from the last few weeks will slowly fade over time. I personally needed bereavement counselling, which helped a lot.

    Anyway, I hope this message and knowing that you are not alone helps.

     

    Take care

  • Offline in reply to Dncinuk

    Yea I don't think anything or anyone can ever prepare you for the deterioration and I keep thinking about how my dad must've been feeling. I know he wouldn't want me to remember him for how he was those last few weeks so I do hope that with time that will fade and I'll start remembering him for the strong healthy man he once was.
     

     Thank you

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  • Offline in reply to Dncinuk

    Yea I don't think anything or anyone can ever prepare you for the deterioration and I keep thinking about how my dad must've been feeling. I know he wouldn't want me to remember him for how he was those last few weeks so I do hope that with time that will fade and I'll start remembering him for the strong healthy man he once was.
     

     Thank you

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