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Lost my dad in 2 and a half weeks to pancreatic cancer.

Malles
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I've never posted on one of these before but my emotions are all over the place so I am posting in a desperate plea to connect with people who are or have been through similar things.

i lost my Dad on 11th august from a very short battle with pancreatic cancer. I've never known anyone close to me to have cancer before so didn't know what to expect. He was diagnosed late and as he was older and already very poorly from it spreading to his liver (jaundice, weakness and hadn't eaten in almost 2 months) there was nothing they could do and he passed away within 2 and a half weeks of diagnosis. The deterioration I saw was nothing like i could ever imagine and seeing someone I once saw as so strong, become so weak and vulnerable is broke my heart - I can't seem to get it out my head.

growing up I wasn't really that close to my dads but in my adult tears and after I had kids we grew closer. I am angry that he hid his symptoms from me until it was too late and that he hid the pain he was experiencing in his stomach. But at the same time I'm annoyed at myself for not persisting with getting him to see someone sooner when I thought he had just lost his appetite short term.

i don't know if anyone has been through anything similar but does this ever get any easier?

Parents
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    Hello, I just read your post. My dad died of pancreatic cancer just over two weeks after being diagnosed. He was 62. That was 14 years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times it seems like forever. I can tell you that it does get better. I. The beginning I kept wondering why it happened. There was only me, my mum and dad such a small family. I also kept wondering whether we could have done something or noticed he was ill. The answer is that we couldn't do anything. It wasn't our fault and it wasn't his fault. You have nothing to question yourself about. This isn't anyone's fault. It's just a horrible thing that happens in life. Every month that goes by it gets easier. I was so angry at first but then the anger about the fact he has gone disappeared. You'll always miss him and sometimes you'll be sad and you never know when that happens. But it does get better xx

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    Hello, I just read your post. My dad died of pancreatic cancer just over two weeks after being diagnosed. He was 62. That was 14 years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times it seems like forever. I can tell you that it does get better. I. The beginning I kept wondering why it happened. There was only me, my mum and dad such a small family. I also kept wondering whether we could have done something or noticed he was ill. The answer is that we couldn't do anything. It wasn't our fault and it wasn't his fault. You have nothing to question yourself about. This isn't anyone's fault. It's just a horrible thing that happens in life. Every month that goes by it gets easier. I was so angry at first but then the anger about the fact he has gone disappeared. You'll always miss him and sometimes you'll be sad and you never know when that happens. But it does get better xx

Children
  • in reply to Bearcub

    Hello Mallies,

    I wanted to send my condolences for your loss. It's the hardest thing to lose a parent, but I hope the forum helps you connect with others. How you're feeling is normal and there is support out there if you need it. We have some information on coping with loss here, which I hope might help in some way.

    Thinking of you at this difficult time.

    Moderator Anastasia

  • Offline in reply to Bearcub

    Thank you for your words and reminding me that there was nothing anyone could do including him. It's hard when you consumed by your thoughts to remember that these things just happen and honestly even if something could've been done, it wouldn't change the fact that he's gone and I'm missing him. 
     

    I can only hope that as time goes on it will get easier just like you said.

     

     Thank you

  • Offline in reply to Malles

    You will miss your dad like crazy. Of course. You loved him. I had a couple of sessions of bereavement counselling and they did help. Your dad has been part of your life forever and the way you are feeling is exactly how we feel when we lose someone. I know it hurts and there is an ache that feels like it won't ever go away. And sometimes you may feel like screaming. If ever you need to chat when feeling low send a message. We are all here to help. XXX

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