Hello, I just read your post. My dad died of pancreatic cancer just over two weeks after being diagnosed. He was 62. That was 14 years ago and sometimes it seems like yesterday and other times it seems like forever. I can tell you that it does get better. I. The beginning I kept wondering why it happened. There was only me, my mum and dad such a small family. I also kept wondering whether we could have done something or noticed he was ill. The answer is that we couldn't do anything. It wasn't our fault and it wasn't his fault. You have nothing to question yourself about. This isn't anyone's fault. It's just a horrible thing that happens in life. Every month that goes by it gets easier. I was so angry at first but then the anger about the fact he has gone disappeared. You'll always miss him and sometimes you'll be sad and you never know when that happens. But it does get better xx

Hello Mallies,

I wanted to send my condolences for your loss. It's the hardest thing to lose a parent, but I hope the forum helps you connect with others. How you're feeling is normal and there is support out there if you need it. We have some information on coping with loss here, which I hope might help in some way.

Thinking of you at this difficult time.

Moderator Anastasia

Thank you for your words and reminding me that there was nothing anyone could do including him. It's hard when you consumed by your thoughts to remember that these things just happen and honestly even if something could've been done, it wouldn't change the fact that he's gone and I'm missing him. 
 

I can only hope that as time goes on it will get easier just like you said.

 Thank you

[@Malles]‍ 

I guess our stories are similar. My mum also died from pancreatic cancer in March just 5 weeks after diagnosis. She had had a number of vague symptoms (bad lower back/late onset diabetes/blood in stools etc) for a while, but she never complained about these, since she was of a generation where people are generally stoical and because she put the symptoms down to old age. Also, because of the nature of pancreatic cancer, she had no reason to feel anything was serious until it was too late. It was only after she started getting serious stomach pains that caused her to start vomiting and prevented her from eating / drinking anything that I decided to call an ambulance, and she was diagnosed a few days later in hospital. From that point on, she never fully recovered and went down hill / deteriorated so quickly, it  was heartbreaking for both of us.

I don't think there is much you could have done for your dad because pancreatic cancer is often not spotted until it is too late due to the vagueness of the symptoms (even our GP had no clue). I know my mum was trying to protect me to a certain extent, and maybe your dad was, too.

It does get easier and those images you have from the last few weeks will slowly fade over time. I personally needed bereavement counselling, which helped a lot.

Anyway, I hope this message and knowing that you are not alone helps.

Take care

You will miss your dad like crazy. Of course. You loved him. I had a couple of sessions of bereavement counselling and they did help. Your dad has been part of your life forever and the way you are feeling is exactly how we feel when we lose someone. I know it hurts and there is an ache that feels like it won't ever go away. And sometimes you may feel like screaming. If ever you need to chat when feeling low send a message. We are all here to help. XXX

Yea I don't think anything or anyone can ever prepare you for the deterioration and I keep thinking about how my dad must've been feeling. I know he wouldn't want me to remember him for how he was those last few weeks so I do hope that with time that will fade and I'll start remembering him for the strong healthy man he once was.
 

 Thank you