hello, im so sorry you were going through that. I really hope you and the kids are doing okay. if you want to talk please reach out x

I really want to say sorry in my late reponse, so much has happened within the time I posted this til now. How're you feeling now? I am so sorry for everything you went through. I am happy my story/experience gave you some form of comfort but remember you'll never be alone, please reach out to me if you need a chat I understand how lonely life can get after death x

Just read your post. I feel the same. My Dad is at home dying. I feel like I've been grieving for months . Watching his decline. I get over come with emotion and cry. I was/ am. So close and as you said spoke everyday. I know when he does go. Today , tomorrow  next week. Going to hit me and I will feel as you are feeling the pain. Heart breaking pain. I drive round and think everyone's rushing round busy. I'm sat crying. Thinking what's the point of this. It's hell.

Sorry for late reply life is so manic, I'm still waiting for probate and trying to look after my mum,  I've been fortunate to receive some money from NHS due to infected blood from blood transfusion 33 years ago, so have dropped one of my jobs.

Still processing my dad not being here, but its getting easier and I still talk to him for guidance,  sometimes I think he answers me, as I knew he saw me struggling so helped out, I believe they have power beyond the grave and it gives me strength ️, special times of the year are difficult tho, keep going and ask for help x

Hi

I feel your pain, it feels like your world has stopped, but you carry on, it's still good to talk to him and keep looking for signs he's around, I ask my dad a question and say if I see a coin on the floor the answer is yes, it kinda feels strange but I believe after we have gone we can still communicate. 

It gives me hope and helps me through the day x

I don't know if it's too late at this point, but I'm excessively sorry for the massive loss you've had. I similarly lost my father due to stage 4 advanced and terminal lung cancer last June. I totally understand the pain and difficulty. However, at the end of the day, we must realise that when god decides to take away our loved ones, we can't do anything (religious point of view), all we can do is stay strong, embrace ahead and keep doing them proud as if you think about it if they were here right now, they would be telling you to do the good things in life and not the bad things. Our parents always want the best for us. It's totally normal to have days of tears and grief, especially when we've lost such a close loved one that used to always be around us all the time. The best thing to do is keep them in your heart, cherish the brilliant memories you made with him and with power and self-resilience, as well as self-discipline, work hard and do them proud, show him what you can do, without his presence and this will ensure he rests in peace not only with tranquility with with being intensively proud of his son/daughter. 
Despite, having had said all of this, I totally understand the difficulties you're facing, especially if you in a similar situation to me with lack of support from elsewhere, but all this hard work will pay off trust me and he will be proud of you, let me tell you that now.

Also, definitely consider going to the gym or doing any source of exercise daily in addition to what you're doing (working/studying), as this really helps me de-stress and helps to eradicate all of the toxicity and negativity in my mind. If not try any source of extra activitiy that involves exercise such as swimming or playing football and badminton etc. consider meditation and deep breathing techniques, there are a lot of YouTube videos/ apps out there to help you with this. Keep your mind busy on days that you have off like the weekend, into things like cooking, shopping and gardening. Eliminate any negative people and negativity from social media, even if it includes family, just stay away and focus on doing you. 
If you're really struggling, definitely consider counselling or some sort of support where you can share your emotions and pain.
 

stay strong you've got this, nothing wrong with you having good and bad days as it's normal with grief, we have to take each day as it comes. You will realise as the days keep going and years pass by, you will start to have more happy days. Trust me. 
 

Sending lots of wishes and support - Suraj; 04/04/2023

I lost my dad to cancer on the 11th of august 2020, it sucks i still get upset about it to this day, I didnt realise how good of a friend he was till he was gone, I dudnt realise how much he meant to me till he was gine either, but every day hes in my mind and as time goes on the memories make me smile because I realise how lucky I was to have such a great man as a father and role model, I try my best to make him proud even though i know ue always was because he told me and thats something I will always remember. My advice to you is try and do the things you and him did  together, It does suck hes no longer there to enjoy it with you but in his memory its a nice gesture and just remember he wouldnt want you being so down about his passing l, he would want you to flourish and enjoy life, live your dreams and acheive everything you want to, because thats what he would want