It's been 9 months since I lost my lovely wife, Fiona. Fiona was diagnosed November 2013 with Breast Cancer, had 6 sessions of Chemo & many sessions of Radiotherapy and a Mastectomy. In 2014, we were told she had Secondary Breast Cancer, as it spread to her Lungs & 3 Vertibraes. Fiona was prescribed the first drug but it didn't have any impact so they changed the meds to a drug called Kadcyla. This worked well and Fiona remained stable for man years but in November 2017 they found Brain Mets and so she had 12 sessions of Whole Brain Radiotherapy. That helped and these tumours stopped growing. The last few years, Fiona struggled with her walking and would forget the ocassional word. We never thought much about it. Last year, Fiona's walking deteriorated and her speech worsened. Fiona was prescribed anothe 10 sessions of Brain Radiotherapy. It was proving more diffifcult getting Fiona in the car as I am a full time wheelchairt user. To cut a long story short. Fiona spent some time in hospital as they suspected her Brain had swollen due to the Radiotherapy. I managed to get her home with a hefty doses of Steroids. I had one month with her. She deteriorated so quickly, she stopped eating & drinking & I couldn't get her to take her meds. She died last November (2020) and I am struggling so much. I have been trough the many stages of grief more than once. I wouldn't commit suicide but pray that I don't wake the next morning. I do see a Listener (Counsellor) every 3 weeks & she is good but I still cry every day and hope I can be beside her again really soon.The images of her last days are imprinted in my brain and it is upsetting. Fiona was so popular, friendly and loved by many. When I placed a message of Facebook, over 230 people replied with their sorrow. My house is lonely and there are only so many times I can go to the shops. I have no motivation and life is so pointless. I don't wqant this pain anymore.