Dear Racey1

I lost my husband 2 weeks ago & struggling too & have never felt sadness, loneliness, scared, confusion like it. 
I just thought to myself I can't wait to go to bed so I've done another day

I want him back, I want to chat to him & tell him all that's been happening & the 100's of tributes I have received. I want to hold his hand again. 
Racey I can't give you any advice but I think be kind to yourself. I like you think it's going to take time but I am sure like my Kev they will be proud of us by just keeping 
One foot in front of the other. 
I hurt beyond words & still have his funeral on Thursday how on earth am I going to get through the day. 
I feel completely broken just like you mate 

Hug from someone who knows how you're feeling x

Hi Babyem,

Thank you for your prompt reply. I am so sorry for your loss, There is me moaning about my situation while you are dealing with your recent loss. The funeral can be daunting but as long as you have family and friends surrounding you, you will get through it. We were only allowed 30 at Fiona's Cremation but we could have filled it 10 times over. I keep lots of sayings and poems regarding loss and on of the signs state that there are '3 stages of grief, 1st stage, middle stage and the rest of your life' whioch seems to be about right. after 9 months, my sleep pattern is all over the place but like you, as sson as I get to bed and to sleep, I can forget the extreme pain I am feeling. 

Thank you again for your lovely words and showing me that I am not alone x

Hi Racey how you doing?
been a tough couple of days just overwhelmed with sadness & missing my Kevin it's absolutely rubbish & without a shadow of a doubt I'm struggling 

I'll come back tomorrow when I catch my breath 

Thanks Racey for just being here x

Hi Babyem,

I am doing ok thanks. I think that saying I am ok, is probably is the closest I can describe how I am feeling. I am sorry you have had a couple of bad days and missing Kevin so much. I do know your pain.

You need to, not only look after yourself but treat yourself to something, to make you feel a little better, a present or clothing or a pampering session of some sort. I would love to say that it will get better in time, but unfortunately, it won't. You will, however, manage to cope better in time.

I read your recomendation of the book 'It's Ok not to be OK' and it is good as you say and, offers a lot of good advice.  I would ask you to try some of the advice given ie Breathing or Meditation exercises, essential oils. Try to plan to meet with friends or family for coffee or a chat, or both. Give yourself something to look forward too.

You have been there for me also.

And please, I understand if you don't reply straight away or the next day, reply when you feel well enough.

I have picked up sayings and poems from various people, which tries to explain things and saw the following words about grief, which read: 'There are 3 stages of grief, the beginning, the middle and the rest of your life'.

Also, from someone else, 'Grief, I ve learned, is really just love. It's all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place top go'. 

We will get through this.

Hello Racey1

I have just read your last post.

It will be 5 years on the 10th September I lost my husband, my soulmate David.

Your last two paragraphs were just so moving and just say it all, thats excactly how it is.

Also as you say your never get over it you just find ways of coping the best you can  As the book say's and is so true on the days you can't cope it really is "Okay not to be Okay".  I miss my husband more with each passing day and sometimes it still just feels so surreal.  

I try to live each day the best I can and I know how lucky priviledged and blessed I am to have shared my life with my darling David,  I often think and say "All of our yesterdays make all of the tomorrows".

He is with me wherever I go whatever I do,  He will always be with me, my world, my life nothing can ever take that away.

Take care keep looking after yourself x

Hi 

It's just been a horrible week & I feel that for months & months I have kept a lid on everything, caring for Kevin; looking after the home, numerous hospital visits to & from London & I drove which believe me is an ordeal driving in London!! The still working in School; the house looking like a medical /office place & so it went on & now this lid is starting to lift off on top of the sorrow that is eating me away of not having him with me anymore. 
Just like Leigh60 said your last two paragraphs oh my goodness Racey - so out come tissues again  it's true what she also said they are with us always we just can't touch,smell,hear or see them 

I feel grief is exhausting too so feel worn out & tired but do t want to rest as then I'm sitting here by myself

Anyway guys huge hug for you & Leigh xxx

My Kev is with me always too xxx

Hello Babyem

I have so much emphathy for you and im so sorry for the loss of your Kevin and all you have both been through.  Cancer its a horid wicked disease.  I have so much feeling for what you say about the lid lifting it off.  Im so sorry for the journey you are now on.  Its so early for you and I don't know what to say nothing can take away the pain of losing your loved one.  

You will find ways through and as you said about the book on the days that are just to hard its Okay not to be Okay.  Its a lonely journey but I find talking really helps and found Cruse a great support along with our local hospice where my husband spent his last 3 weeks.  Keeping busy helps but I do understand again somedays you just can't but dread sitting alone.  I go with those dreaded days and try to let it out it took me sometime to be able to do that but then tell myself my husband would want me to think of me and live so I try again and gradually you do more things.  But it is so hard.

I hope you have family and friends that can help support you too.

Look after yourself take care virtual hugs xx

Hi Leigh60,

It would appear that thatever the time difference, whether days, weeks, months or years, of when we lose our loved ones, it never really gets better for us. I read the book, 'It's ok no to be ok' and it has some useful guidance and support. The problem is, as you well probably know, each day is different in the way I feel. Some days I feel strong and feel 'yes I am going to get through this', but the next day, I would prefer to stay in bed all day to avoid talking to people and putting on a mask.

I would like to believe that Fiona is with me, but I don't know, it would be nice to have a sign. 

Like you, I am/was so lucky to have had Fiona in my life and so thankful she chose me to marry to share her life with. 

I hope David has met Fiona while up there as I bet they would get on well, in fact, Fi got on with everybody, didn't judge people.

I am driving up to Fiona's beloved Newcastle upon Tyne at the end of September, to meet with friends but also scatter some of Fiona's ashes over the Tyne, which we be quite emotional.

Anyway, you look after yourself and have a good week and anytime you want to chat, I am here. It helps me also. x

Hi Babyem,

It is strange that grief is so tiring and draining, on top of the stress and emotions. Haven't we got enough to deal with?  I know what you mean about the house, I have so much paperwork that Fiona had accumulated over the many years for her work and need to clear her desk sometime, but I have no motivation or energy.  I have a pile of ironing to do and so I close my eyes when I pass my wrinkle shirts and trousers hanging up.

I hope the coming week proves to be better for you and Leigh60, 

Take care x

Hi Racey1 & Leigh60

So today I woke up & thought let's try & get some things done today! Put the radio on ~ why do they have to play a record that we loved, first tears of the day. Go in the garden a pot that he brought had fallen over & smashed why? It had been there for ages, he hated it anyway & quite frankly it was only a couple of £'S second lot of tears. Bet he smashed the ruddy thing. 
Thought I would walk up to his grave & take some fresh flowers & to tell him about the pot! listened to some music on the way, got to his grave all upset again just too emotional, crying again. Got some water to water the flowers fell over with the watering cans that then tipped over me , hurt my ankle, crying buckets now & looking like I've got caught in a rain storm as I'm soaked. Hobbled home & sat here cursing him because everything was his fault ~ today was 'just about had it' 

Yesterday it suddenly dawned on me that this was definite & somehow I need to go forward & honestly I just don't know how too & I know it will take time but the sorrow that we all carry inside us who have lost someone is excruciating & today my pain has been unbearable & like you Racey some days I find the fight in my belly & be strong & other days, well I've lost my fight. 
I do think tho guys to go thru all this pain we are actually incredibly strong & they would be proud of us I know Kev would be & I could here him giggling at me today too!

I love reading what we say to each other, it helps me too Racey :happy:

I hope both have had a good day xx 

I replied to both of you, you & Racey

Thank you Leigh60 xx

I replied to both of you, you & Racey

Thank you Leigh60 xx