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Riddled with guilt

aimeem
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hi everyone,

I posted for the first time on here the other day. 2 months ago I lost my Dad aged 66 to mesothelioma, cancer caused by asbestos exposure. I'm only 21 and it's really hard to look forward to anything in the future knowing my Dad won't be there. He's going to miss all the big milestones and achievements that I haven't even come close to yet, which is really hard to come to terms with. I just can't believe that I've got to go my whole life without seeing him or talking to him ever again. I've also never lost anyone before so this was a real shock. 
 

One of the main issues I'm facing at the moment is I am riddled with guilt and regret. So much so that I feel unwell. My Dad was never one to have emotional chats so I didn't get to have any closure before he died. He also didn't want me to see him in his final weeks because he was frightened for me to see him so sick. I know he was protecting me, and I love him for that, but it's really difficult to avoid feeling like I should have done more. I should have sat with him. I should have talked to him. And now I will never be able to tell him all the things I wanted to and I'm completely broken because of this. I know these feelings are normal but I'm really struggling to come to terms with it all. 
 

Any kind words/words of advice would be greatly appreciated x

Parents
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    I do understand how you feel and feeling guilty, though you have not done anything wrong. Your Dad wanted you to rather remember him as he was before he became very ill. He did it to save you heartache. One feels helpless  

    I was out of the country when my mother passed and felt guilty that I could not be with her when she passed. A very dear friend suggested that I write a letter to her, telling my Mom how I felt. To start writing the letter was difficult but towards the end, it became easier. The letter had many tears that fell on it, but I was sure she would understand. 

    I wrote her name on the envelope and the address as Heaven, stamped it and mailed it. 

    It did bring me some comfort. Saying farewell is not easy, time makes it a bit easier. 

     

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  • Offline

    I do understand how you feel and feeling guilty, though you have not done anything wrong. Your Dad wanted you to rather remember him as he was before he became very ill. He did it to save you heartache. One feels helpless  

    I was out of the country when my mother passed and felt guilty that I could not be with her when she passed. A very dear friend suggested that I write a letter to her, telling my Mom how I felt. To start writing the letter was difficult but towards the end, it became easier. The letter had many tears that fell on it, but I was sure she would understand. 

    I wrote her name on the envelope and the address as Heaven, stamped it and mailed it. 

    It did bring me some comfort. Saying farewell is not easy, time makes it a bit easier. 

     

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