Cancer Research UK main site
  • Replies 4 replies
  • Views 674 views
  • Users 0 members are here

Riddled with guilt

aimeem
Offline

hi everyone,

I posted for the first time on here the other day. 2 months ago I lost my Dad aged 66 to mesothelioma, cancer caused by asbestos exposure. I'm only 21 and it's really hard to look forward to anything in the future knowing my Dad won't be there. He's going to miss all the big milestones and achievements that I haven't even come close to yet, which is really hard to come to terms with. I just can't believe that I've got to go my whole life without seeing him or talking to him ever again. I've also never lost anyone before so this was a real shock. 
 

One of the main issues I'm facing at the moment is I am riddled with guilt and regret. So much so that I feel unwell. My Dad was never one to have emotional chats so I didn't get to have any closure before he died. He also didn't want me to see him in his final weeks because he was frightened for me to see him so sick. I know he was protecting me, and I love him for that, but it's really difficult to avoid feeling like I should have done more. I should have sat with him. I should have talked to him. And now I will never be able to tell him all the things I wanted to and I'm completely broken because of this. I know these feelings are normal but I'm really struggling to come to terms with it all. 
 

Any kind words/words of advice would be greatly appreciated x

Parents
  • Offline

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad.

    My Mum was quite sick and we knew that the time would come sooner or later, but in the end everything happened so quickly and many things left unsaid.

    I still struggle when something happens and I can't tell her. About 6 weeks after she had passed and I just couldn't fill the urge of tellung her by telling others, I started writing letters to her. I got a journal and just write whatever I feel like telling her. Sometimes it'll be about what I did all week, sometimes how much I miss, sometimes when I'm struggling with something. While writing I imagine having the conversation with her and what she'd say. Obviously this is no replacement but it has helped me a little.

    If you feel like it is getting too much you might want to see your GP. This is what I had to do 4 weeks ago. There might be some support they can give you. I have found it easier to talk to a stranger as I don't feel like I'm being judged.

    Take care x

Reply
  • Offline

    I am so sorry to hear about your Dad.

    My Mum was quite sick and we knew that the time would come sooner or later, but in the end everything happened so quickly and many things left unsaid.

    I still struggle when something happens and I can't tell her. About 6 weeks after she had passed and I just couldn't fill the urge of tellung her by telling others, I started writing letters to her. I got a journal and just write whatever I feel like telling her. Sometimes it'll be about what I did all week, sometimes how much I miss, sometimes when I'm struggling with something. While writing I imagine having the conversation with her and what she'd say. Obviously this is no replacement but it has helped me a little.

    If you feel like it is getting too much you might want to see your GP. This is what I had to do 4 weeks ago. There might be some support they can give you. I have found it easier to talk to a stranger as I don't feel like I'm being judged.

    Take care x

Children
No Data

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.