Hello yes I know how awfull it is I lost my mum when she was 60 she had breast cancer that went to her lungs and brain  this was 24 years ago and it was at the time I so needed her as I had just had a baby  All I can say antidepressants didn't help me I needed to go through the grief and I cried so much which heals you. You don't get over it but you learn to live with it and all the happy funny memories flood back and I feel she is beside me in life and she would not want me to suffer  and I am very certain your mum would not want you to suffer to much  now it's your time to do something you enjoy and carry your mum with you  hope this helps a little bit 

Hello [@PinkPineapple]‍ 

I was incredibly sorry to read your post, I do unfortunately know how you are feeling. 

I lost my mum in march this year too, and I'm also your age. It feels incredibly cruel and unfair. Somedays I completely struggle to do anything. My only piece of advice I can give you although I'm probably no further forward than you, is just keep talking and crying. I know it feels like no one understands, and if you don't have family or friends to talk to I really would recommend starting therapy. I have been going and although at first I didn't know if it would help at all, I am just grateful that I have an outlet for an hour a week to process my emotions, which like you, are overwhelming. 

The people on this forum are so unbelievably kind and supportive so lean on this if you need as an outlet. Here if you ever would like to chat.

Sending lots of love xxxx

Thanks so much for replying. It does help a little knowing that I'm not the only one going through this...although it also makes me sad.

I moved about 6 weeks after losing my mum and I just feel like I haven't been able to grieve normally, as it has just been one thing after another. I feel like I have blocked myself from grieving normally and now have absolute meltdowns. Perhaps this is normal. I just don't recognise myself anymore...I believe the antidepressants aren't helping either! I'm seeing the GP on Tuesday and will see about getting rid of them or reducing the dosage so my head doesn't get even weirder...

I have been thinking about therapy, too. Are you seeing someone in person or online? I'm slightly nervous about speaking to a stranger, as I have difficulty speaking about the whole situation anyway and was wondering whether to try one of the apps like BetterHelp.

Take care xxx

I think it is normal unfortunately, I think it can just be the brain protecting itself but whatever you're feeling, it is normal and there is no right or wrong way to grieve and we also only lost our months a few months ago after knowing them our entire life, so you should really be so kind to yourself.

I think if you don't think they are helping that sounds like a good plan. 

Im doing it online, and I did think I hr same about it as you, but it really does give you some space without judgement to process everything. The first couple of sessions are very painful, but then it does feel like it's lightened the heart a littl eif that makes sense xxx

Thanks for sharing with me. I really appreciate this so much.

I was a bit concerned doing it online and that it would lose some effect, if it weren't done in person. But I am really happy to read that the online therapy has been helping you so much and I'll have a look what's available and will give it a try. 

Thanks for making me feel like I'm not a complete lunatic.

Take care xxx

Hi I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mum 10 years ago when I was 33, so I can relate. I don't have anything to add to the advice the lovely people here have already said, I just wanted to add another supportive message, you are not alone and this forum has been a great comfort to me even though I just read mostly rather than posting. I have also had therapy on and off, which does help.

Sending you lots of love xxxx

Thanks so much. Any kind of comforting message is so much appreciated. I am so glad to be part of this community now. The people here are truely amazing.

Take care x

Hi [@PinkPineapple]‍ 

I wanted to respond to your post as I sadly can empathise with how you're feeling. I am the same age as you and I lost my Mum in May this year after a very short battle with lung cancer. It came as such a shock as she was seemingly fit and well just weeks prior. Like you, I don't have any friends who understand as none have yet lost a parent. I came onto this forum the day after my Mum's funeral and it has been a huge comfort to me speaking with others my age who have been through a similar experience and know how it feels. I felt like I was going crazy with how I have been feeling these past couple of months but speaking to others here who have felt and/or thought the same has made me feel a lot less alone/crazy!

The only advice I have is to keep talking, even if it's just typing your feelings on here. I've found writing things down to be a huge help and a release of emotion. I'm also speaking to a bereavement counsellor after being advised it was helpful by a few people on this forum. I was nervous like you but it has been a life raft for me knowing that once a week I have an outlet for my emotions. I've found the fact that they're a stranger is really helpful as it's a non judgemental way of dealing with my grief as I'm not afraid to hide how I feel or sugar coat my feelings. Cruse and Sue Ryder both offer a few weeks of free bereavement specific counselling but there's roughly a 6-8 week waiting list. Maybe by that time you may feel more ready? Cruse also offer an instant web chat service Monday-Friday and the link to this can be found on their website. I've found this to be a great help when I've been overwhelmed with emotion; I can just pop onto the web chat, type out exactly how I'm feeling and I'll receive an instant response from a trained counsellor, which is so helpful when you get that lump in your throat and heaviness in your chest that makes you feel unable to speak to anyone.

You really aren't alone and I'm happy to chat with you further if you'd like. We're all just trying our best to support each other in any way we can.

Take care xxx

Hi [@Dexter123]‍ 

I am so sorry to hear that you are having to go through this struggle and thanks so much for sharing with me. I do indeed feel like this place has given me more support in a couple of days than anyone else has in months!

I feel most certainly look into the counselling you mentioned. Thanks so much! There seems to be so much on the internet and I have no idea how to choose. I only joined last weekend. I have been reading threads on here once we got the diagnosis last year, but I guess I just wasn't ready to share. It all still seems so surreal. I forget that she has gone constantly and then it just hits me over and over again. The problem is that I don't have certain triggers. I can watch something on TV with hospitals in it and not be bothered at all, but yesterday I saw something and it just shot out of me! 

Take care xx

It is a surreal feeling isn't it. I still can't get my head around the fact that I'll never see my Mum again and often forget this. The mornings are the worst for me as I'll wake up and think about popping round to my Mum's for a coffee and then remember why I can't do that. I think it's common to forget and have reality hit you over and over again; a few people have shared with me on this forum that they get this too. My bereavement counsellor has told me that this happens because I haven't yet accepted that my Mum is gone, so we're working on strategies on finding acceptance and being able to move on with my life whilst carrying my Mum with me. I recently got a locket made with her photo in it and I now wear it all the time. It comforts me having her close by in a way, especially when I'm having a hard day.

I feel the same as you about triggers. I've been to my Mum's favourite coffee shop and drove past her work, which I thought would set me off but I felt ok, sad but ok. I could be doing something trivial like hoovering the house though and end up curled in a ball on my sofa crying my heart out because my Mum liked a clean house! I don't think there's any rhyme or reason to grief and you just need to feel what you're feeling, when you're feeling it.

Sending a virtual hug xxx