Life is so painful and empty since losing my Mum

I lost my Mum just over 6 months ago. She was getting some back pains but we didn’t really think it was that serious until the doctor diagnosed her with pancreatic cancer.  I was with her when she was diagnosed, I held her and we cried. It felt so unreal. We thought we would have more time but she died a few weeks later. I still can’t believe it, I keep replaying the last few weeks in my mind. Cancer is such a cruel illness and it was incredibly hard to see someone I loved so much going through what she did.

Mum was more than just a Mum, she was my best friend and a “kindred spirit.” She was probably the only person who I felt I could really be myself with and that I was “enough.” Since losing her, it’s really affected my self esteem and many times at night I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up again. Many days I just don’t want to be here, there feels no point. I just feel so utterly alone. At times I struggle with feelings of self harm. I’ve always liked myself but at times lately I feel a hatred towards myself and I’ve no idea why. I feel ashamed to feel like this when so many people are going through much more difficult things in their lives. 

I don’t really have anyone to talk to about these things and I keep it to myself. Everyone thinks I’m brave and coping well, they have no idea how I’m feeling inside. 

I know if you’re reading this, you probably have your own story of losing someone very precious to you.  Thank you for taking the time to read mine. Trusting for brighter days ahead for us all.

Parents
  • Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Justme774 although I'm so sorry about your mum. You clearly had a very strong bond and to lose someone you were so close to just a few weeks after her diagnosis must have been very tough. 

    Understandably, grief and loss can bring about many thoughts and feelings but if you ever find yourself becoming overwhelmed or struggling to cope, do try and reach out for some support. Your GP can offer a lot of help at this time and can help you work through your feelings of self harm. They may also suggest bereavement counselling. Some of our members - such as Dncinuk above - have found this to be a great source of comfort when working through their grief so if you feel this may help, do get in touch with Cruse to find out more. Also, for those times of the day or night when no-one is around and you just want to talk to someone about how you're feeling, do give the Samaritans a call on 116 123. Their phone lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and they will always be there to listen and offer support.

    Grief is so complex and personal Justme774 so please try not to be so hard on yourself for how you're feeling or what you're going through and remember, you are not alone.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Reply
  • Welcome to the Cancer Chat community Justme774 although I'm so sorry about your mum. You clearly had a very strong bond and to lose someone you were so close to just a few weeks after her diagnosis must have been very tough. 

    Understandably, grief and loss can bring about many thoughts and feelings but if you ever find yourself becoming overwhelmed or struggling to cope, do try and reach out for some support. Your GP can offer a lot of help at this time and can help you work through your feelings of self harm. They may also suggest bereavement counselling. Some of our members - such as Dncinuk above - have found this to be a great source of comfort when working through their grief so if you feel this may help, do get in touch with Cruse to find out more. Also, for those times of the day or night when no-one is around and you just want to talk to someone about how you're feeling, do give the Samaritans a call on 116 123. Their phone lines are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and they will always be there to listen and offer support.

    Grief is so complex and personal Justme774 so please try not to be so hard on yourself for how you're feeling or what you're going through and remember, you are not alone.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Children
  • Thank you, Steph. 
    I think at times I just feel so overwhelmed and still in shock even though it was some months ago. Then I will have quite normal days and feel myself again. 
    I am really appreciative of forums such as this, as generally I'm quite a private person so would struggle with going to counselling. It's "comforting", if that's the right word, to know you're not alone. Thank you.