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I miss my mum so much

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I've posted a few times on here, but a little background: my mum passed away on the 31st March 2021, 7 weeks after diagnosis from bowel cancer, she was only 55.

I miss my mum so much. That feeling of emptiness never seems to go away. I think of my mum constantly, literally all the time, it consumes my mind, to the extent I feel like I am going crazy. 
 

At the same time, I still feel the worst part of my grief is yet to come. Don't get me wrong, I do cry. But I feel like it's not as much as I would've anticipated prior to losing my mum. I feel it's the calm before the storm. I'm currently in survival mode. 
I'm petrified when it does finally hit. I won't survive. Because the pain I am feeling currently, is unbearable within itself. 
 

It's just so hard. It's been nearly 3 months. 1/4 of a year. But I'm stuck in this limbo, this pain. I can't seem to move forward. 
 

I feel like nothing will make this better. The only thing that can make this better is my mum, and sadly she will never be able to make it better. 
 

I just can't believe she's gone. How am I meant to live the rest of my life without her? I'm only in my 20's. 
 

I miss her so much. 

 

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    I am so so sorry to hear about your mam and what you're going through right now. There's no words to make someone feel better at that time.

    But know you're not alone. I lost my mom October 2021 she was only in her early 40's. I am only 24.

    min not going to say it gets easier because it's completely different for every single person. But for my experience I roared and cried on her funeral then went absolutely normal with my life for few weeks and guilt was eating my away that I lived my life normally. But come few weeks after that's when it started to hit me, when birthdays came, Christmas, Easter, when I made a dinner that she'd always make when my son started school started talking got potty trained their the kind of times I just bursted into tears or sometimes I'd be sitting down and just burst into tears out of no where thinking how unfair that is and I just think to myself "I actually don't have a mom anymore" and it just breaks me but then other times when I find myself doing things the way she would have I find myself smiling because a part of her will always and forever live in me.

    and the same goes with you, your mam is always and forever with you she lives within you. And she wants you to be happy.

    It's not that it'll ever get easier but you'll learn to live with it and you'll cherish all the moments spent with her and what I find helpful is talking about her a lot. Keeping her memory alive. My son is only 3 he was so little when she passed but when he sees photos of her he says "that's my nana" because I don't let him forget about her. For me and for him and for her. From when he was little I have thought him that his nana is up in the sky and now whenever he sees a plane flying and whoever he's with he just goes "that's where my nana is up high with the planes" and it's beautiful to just keep her memory alive.

    sorry for going on such a long rant but just know you're not alone and if you ever need to talk I'm here cause it can me hard. And sometimes talking to someone who hasn't had such a loss is just not the same as toaking to someone who did.

    Here if you need a chat.

    take care of yourself.

    vicky xx

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    My name is Anthony I'm 22 yrs old and I have spinal and brain cancer I have carbon fibre rods fitted in my spine I am in remission at the moment but sadly on the 8th March 2022 my mum passed at 42 yrs old of bowel cancer still to this day I don't no what to do wth my self my whole world has been took from me and I'm nvr going to get her back I miss my mum soo much that it hurts every single day I've not been the same since its a huge struggle without mum.

  • Offline in reply to Amurray22

    I came across this thread because I'm sat here missing my mum who only died days ago from a rare aggressive cancer. She was only here for 5 months after diagnosis. We tried to stay hopeful and optimistic that we could kick the can down the road with treatment but nothing helped. I feel like my heart has had a hole torn right into it. I go through numbness, going through the motions, and big waves of incredible sadness and crying. It's just too big to process. I cared for her right up until her last breath. I am tormented by it. Caring for her and watching helplessly as cancer viciously stole her from me. Death is nothing like the peaceful portrayal in the movies especially when someone does not want to go. I am so lost. I continue to text her and tell her my news. It's comforting to know im not alone feeling like this but at the same time sad that others do too. It's the biggest heartbreak and despair I've ever known and I think unless you have had such a loss you would find it hard to understand. 

  • Offline in reply to Amurray22

    I just wanted to send you a huge hug, you've been through so much at such a young age. Are you getting support from bereavement services and other professionals? 
    have faith that things can get better ️‍ 

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    This post is so relatable I lost my mum 6 weeks after diagnosis in June, I still can't believe its happened nearly 6 months on. I also feel in survival mode & scared for when the acceptance & realisation that this has all really happened hits

    I know everyone is different but I'm open to any advice which may make the next few months easier 

    Thankyou 

  • Offline in reply to _Amy

    Hey Amy,

    I lost my mum, my best friend and me mentor when my mum died of lung cancer.  She died 20 years ago and the pain is still there.  I found it so hard to function and if anybody mentioned her name, I virtually had a melt down.  Sadly for me, the pain has never gone, it just gets easier.  I can talk about her now and I can smile and laugh about memories.  Everyday is a new day and you have to take it one step at a time.  Grief is a 5 step process-denial/anger/bargaining/depression and finally acceptance.  Try not to think of what is going to happen-accept it as normal and natural grief.  Try and focus on the positives that you both shared and if you have a set back-the next day is another new one and you start again.  It really isn`t an easy journey, but I truly believe that you will get through it.   

    If you haven`t already spoken to a grief counsellor, please contact someone.  

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    Hey  , 

    my mum also passed away suddenly in 2021 after having ovarian cancer. She was 59 & was my best friend. I’ve could’ve swapped places with her I would’ve done in a heartbeat. I know some time has passed since you posted this and I hope you are thinking of the lovely memories you had with your mama and learning to grow around the grief to make your mum proud! Saying this, I feel very lonely and empty, I’ve lost a lot of friends since she died and feel really isolated (partly my own doing I think!). I don’t know if you are feeling all of this but i just wanted to reach out and let you know you aren’t alone. 

    sending lots of hugs and always feel free to reach out. 
    kiki 

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