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I miss my mum so much

RSxo
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I've posted a few times on here, but a little background: my mum passed away on the 31st March 2021, 7 weeks after diagnosis from bowel cancer, she was only 55.

I miss my mum so much. That feeling of emptiness never seems to go away. I think of my mum constantly, literally all the time, it consumes my mind, to the extent I feel like I am going crazy. 
 

At the same time, I still feel the worst part of my grief is yet to come. Don't get me wrong, I do cry. But I feel like it's not as much as I would've anticipated prior to losing my mum. I feel it's the calm before the storm. I'm currently in survival mode. 
I'm petrified when it does finally hit. I won't survive. Because the pain I am feeling currently, is unbearable within itself. 
 

It's just so hard. It's been nearly 3 months. 1/4 of a year. But I'm stuck in this limbo, this pain. I can't seem to move forward. 
 

I feel like nothing will make this better. The only thing that can make this better is my mum, and sadly she will never be able to make it better. 
 

I just can't believe she's gone. How am I meant to live the rest of my life without her? I'm only in my 20's. 
 

I miss her so much. 

 

Parents
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    My name is Anthony I'm 22 yrs old and I have spinal and brain cancer I have carbon fibre rods fitted in my spine I am in remission at the moment but sadly on the 8th March 2022 my mum passed at 42 yrs old of bowel cancer still to this day I don't no what to do wth my self my whole world has been took from me and I'm nvr going to get her back I miss my mum soo much that it hurts every single day I've not been the same since its a huge struggle without mum.

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    My name is Anthony I'm 22 yrs old and I have spinal and brain cancer I have carbon fibre rods fitted in my spine I am in remission at the moment but sadly on the 8th March 2022 my mum passed at 42 yrs old of bowel cancer still to this day I don't no what to do wth my self my whole world has been took from me and I'm nvr going to get her back I miss my mum soo much that it hurts every single day I've not been the same since its a huge struggle without mum.

Children
  • Offline in reply to Amurray22

    I came across this thread because I'm sat here missing my mum who only died days ago from a rare aggressive cancer. She was only here for 5 months after diagnosis. We tried to stay hopeful and optimistic that we could kick the can down the road with treatment but nothing helped. I feel like my heart has had a hole torn right into it. I go through numbness, going through the motions, and big waves of incredible sadness and crying. It's just too big to process. I cared for her right up until her last breath. I am tormented by it. Caring for her and watching helplessly as cancer viciously stole her from me. Death is nothing like the peaceful portrayal in the movies especially when someone does not want to go. I am so lost. I continue to text her and tell her my news. It's comforting to know im not alone feeling like this but at the same time sad that others do too. It's the biggest heartbreak and despair I've ever known and I think unless you have had such a loss you would find it hard to understand. 

  • Offline in reply to Amurray22

    I just wanted to send you a huge hug, you've been through so much at such a young age. Are you getting support from bereavement services and other professionals? 
    have faith that things can get better ️‍ 

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