My dear Mum: 3 days from diagnosis to death

I don't really know how to express how I feel right now, I'm still in a state of disbelief that I could lose my mum so suddenly. Apart from a swelling on her neck that caused her not to sleep so well (and prompted a hospital appointment to see what it was) she seemed fit and well. She then began feeling breathless, had scans on Tuesday at the hospital, was told by her doctor the next day that the scans found a mass in her chest that was likely cancer and then she died on Saturday. Only 3 days later. I really thought she would be ok. I convinced myself that because she had began feeling poorly for only a short time that we had caught the cancer early and she would be ok. She died of cardiac tamponade, fluid had built up around her heart as a result of the cancer. We are still waiting on definite answers but were told at the hospital following her death that it's very likely she had a very aggressive form of lung cancer and prognosis would have been poor but I keep thinking if we had only just got her to hospital sooner she would still be with us. She was only 68 and full of life. It's hard to come to terms with her not being with us any longer. I'm 32 and have now lost both my parents.

Has anyone had experience with a sudden death from cancer like this? I'm just struggling to believe it's possible but know this disease is cruel and unfair.

Parents
  • Hi,

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can completely empathise.

    lost my Dad in December.  We were told initially it was probably gallstones and that he would need antibiotics.  Then we were told it was cancer , 9 days later he was gone. He went down hill so quickly there was no chance to say all of things you would want to say. It's devastating. 

     I still can't believe it to be honest  but I can tell you that functioning, I think that's the best way to describe it,  does become a little easier as the weeks pass. 
     

     

  • It's just heartbreaking seeing a parent deteriorate so quickly. I keep thinking how scared my Mum must have been to fall so ill so suddenly. There is so much I wish I could have told her before she passed and it pains me that she was alone when she died. No one could go with her in the ambulance to the hospital because of Covid restrictions. I miss her so much it hurts and even the most simple of tasks feels like a chore right now. I'm hoping things get easier as more time passes but right now I just want to wake up from this nightmare 

Reply
  • It's just heartbreaking seeing a parent deteriorate so quickly. I keep thinking how scared my Mum must have been to fall so ill so suddenly. There is so much I wish I could have told her before she passed and it pains me that she was alone when she died. No one could go with her in the ambulance to the hospital because of Covid restrictions. I miss her so much it hurts and even the most simple of tasks feels like a chore right now. I'm hoping things get easier as more time passes but right now I just want to wake up from this nightmare 

Children
  • It really is heartbreaking and unless you have been through it I don't think it's possible to grasp how horrendous it is. 
    I know exactly what you mean about the simplest tasks. I'm nearly 6 months in and by no means has the pain gone but you do manage those simple tasks again. 
    I still have days whereby I can't see the point of doing anything but I know my Dad would not have wanted that and I'm sure your lovely Mom wouldn't have wanted that for you . 
    Covid made things so much harder.