My dear Mum: 3 days from diagnosis to death

I don't really know how to express how I feel right now, I'm still in a state of disbelief that I could lose my mum so suddenly. Apart from a swelling on her neck that caused her not to sleep so well (and prompted a hospital appointment to see what it was) she seemed fit and well. She then began feeling breathless, had scans on Tuesday at the hospital, was told by her doctor the next day that the scans found a mass in her chest that was likely cancer and then she died on Saturday. Only 3 days later. I really thought she would be ok. I convinced myself that because she had began feeling poorly for only a short time that we had caught the cancer early and she would be ok. She died of cardiac tamponade, fluid had built up around her heart as a result of the cancer. We are still waiting on definite answers but were told at the hospital following her death that it's very likely she had a very aggressive form of lung cancer and prognosis would have been poor but I keep thinking if we had only just got her to hospital sooner she would still be with us. She was only 68 and full of life. It's hard to come to terms with her not being with us any longer. I'm 32 and have now lost both my parents.

Has anyone had experience with a sudden death from cancer like this? I'm just struggling to believe it's possible but know this disease is cruel and unfair.

Parents
  • Hi, 

    What on earth can I say to even get close to what you are feeling right now. Loss is horrific, no other way to put it.

    Reason I am posting on here is because my husband has just finished treatment ( for now! ) for oesophageal cancer.

    Your post caught my eye as something similar happened in our family a few yrs ago.

    It was my Nana. No real run up, reasonably fit and active. She effectively was diagnosed on a Monday, with being unable to stop coughing and gone by the Wednesday. So yes it is very possible.

    I feel a little awkward about the words I am using and what I am trying to say, it is not the same experience as you are having as mother is of a different mangnitude entirely to grandmother and her age was almost a 'comfort' oh blimey I am struggling trying to find the right ways of phrasing this- sorry.

    Grief is such an intense beast, there are no right or wrong emotions. I remember reading something about stages by someone called Kubler- Ross ( I think) and I suppose it does show how intense and dramatic bearevment is. Bargaining - " if we did A  would it have made a difference", that is definitely one of the things that is mentioned. 
    Right now you will probably be experiencing every emotion known to mankind- it really is okay not to be okay.

    please do know that you are not alone.

    Hilts

     

Reply
  • Hi, 

    What on earth can I say to even get close to what you are feeling right now. Loss is horrific, no other way to put it.

    Reason I am posting on here is because my husband has just finished treatment ( for now! ) for oesophageal cancer.

    Your post caught my eye as something similar happened in our family a few yrs ago.

    It was my Nana. No real run up, reasonably fit and active. She effectively was diagnosed on a Monday, with being unable to stop coughing and gone by the Wednesday. So yes it is very possible.

    I feel a little awkward about the words I am using and what I am trying to say, it is not the same experience as you are having as mother is of a different mangnitude entirely to grandmother and her age was almost a 'comfort' oh blimey I am struggling trying to find the right ways of phrasing this- sorry.

    Grief is such an intense beast, there are no right or wrong emotions. I remember reading something about stages by someone called Kubler- Ross ( I think) and I suppose it does show how intense and dramatic bearevment is. Bargaining - " if we did A  would it have made a difference", that is definitely one of the things that is mentioned. 
    Right now you will probably be experiencing every emotion known to mankind- it really is okay not to be okay.

    please do know that you are not alone.

    Hilts

     

Children
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