HI Asmit,

My sincere sympathy on the loss of your mum. It is never nice seeing someone you love having to go through so much and not being able to right things for them. It is still too soon for you to be able to focus on your happy memories, as it takes some time for the memories of those last weeks to begin to fade. I found it helpful to have a photo of my mum in a prominent place where I could talk to her after she passed. I still have that photo 24 yers on, but find that although I still talk to her at times, I don't do it as often as I used to.

I am sure that your mum would be the last person to want to see you so unhappy. You will find it easier if you have someone who you can talk to about your mum and, then those happier memories will gradually begin to return. Have you considered talking to a Cruse counsellor about your mum? Sometimes it helps to talk to a stranger about how you are feeling, especially when they have experience of death and, can talk you through the various stages of grief. 

No two people respond to grief in the same way, so please try not to be too hard on yourself. It will take as long as it takes to come to terms with your loss and, this is something that you cannot rush.

Thinking of you and hoping that you find the strength to get through this.

Kind regards,

Jolamine

Hey [@Asmit88]‍ 

I've replied on one of your posts before as our mum's were taken very poorly at round aboht the same time. 

It's so so so difficult, I think what has happened only just hit me on Sunday and when it did, I felt like a bus had run me over. I like you, want to be alone. Have you thought about seeking therapy? The few sessions I've had, have helped me so far. It just gives you space to process what is going on in your mind, whatever that may be, and try to work through it without judgement. 

Just wanted to say, I'm sending you a huge amount of love and support, and I know it feels like we won't get through it, we will. You were clearly so brave and supportive of your lovely mum, throw that behind yourself right now. You deserve it. 

Big love, and a HUGE virtual hug. Xxx

Hi @jolamine, Thankyou for taking the time to read my post and Thank you for your kind words. I have spoken to my gp and I have decided to take up some therapy. I have been suffering with anxiety and panic attacks recently, I'm guessing this is onset from losing mum. I'm hoping it helps. My gp also mentioned cruse to me, I think I'm going to have to just man up and pick the phone up. I've never had therapy or spoken to anyone before so I don't know what to expect or what to say and that makes me nervous, but I think it's just something I'm going to have to do. I have been and bought some photo frames today and I'm going to put my favourite pictures of mum in them, the only image I have of her in my head is when I saw her when she had passed (she still looked so beautiful ️)  today has been a good day so I probably sound more positive than I did when I posted. Thankyou again xxx

Hi [@Newlife101]‍ , yes I remember you now. Thankyou for replying to me again. Oh bless you, do you have days where it hits you and then just normal days? I do. I have mixed emotions all the time. I have decided to take some therapy, although I am nervous about it as I don't know what to expect. But I'm hoping it helps. Thankyou for your kind words. You also sound very brave, and your mum will be so proud of you for that, she will be pleased to know you are helping others like me get through this. And do you know what.......we will. Our mothers were so amazing and strong, and they will live on in us. Big loves and hugs to you too. If ever you need to talk I am always here ️ Xxx

Hi Asmit,

Many of us are scared of therapy, but it can really help with some coping strategies. I am glad to hear that you have been out and bought some photo frames. It can be difficult to lose the memories of mum when she was possibly at her lowest ebb.

I am so glad to hear that today was a good day for you. One of these days you will suddenly realise that you are having more good days than bad again and that you can actually smile at some of the happier times you spent with your mum.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on with your therapy. I sincerely hope that it helps you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hey [@Asmit88]‍ 

I do have good and bad days, I think as Jolamine kindly said though, I think we will eventually get to the stage where we have more good days, than bad days. I will always remember my mum, and think about her everyday, and I know with time, we will both remember the good times and the love we shared. Even though she may not be physically here, your mum will be with you every step of the way. 

I completely get why therapy seems scary, but I think it provides a great outlet to speak about how you are feeling, and put yourself first and get the support that you need, and really deserve right now. 

Thanks for saying such lovely things, it genuinely made me smile. And right back at you if you want to chat.  lots of loveXXXX

hey, I truly hope your okay I know how hard the concept of losing people to cancer can be. I'm only 15 but when I was 14 I lost my grandma from pancreas cancer on the 13th October 2020 (after a few months after diagnosis without chemo) then shortly after I also lost my grandad on 24th October 2020 from lung cancer and sepsis with one round of chemo (a month after his diagnosis). Their funerals were especially hard since I was in tears for them both and they were very well-known people so only a limited amount was allowed to witness the service. A few weeks on from their passing I could see many signs from them and certain smells bring back their memory and it's completely fine if you witness or get that feeling since they're just trying to tell you they're ok up in heaven and they love you still. I didn't get support from any companies or anything but I was at the time of griefing I was still going to school and trying to put on a hard face but when I came home stuff would just remind me of them and I would just start crying which is completely fine since your griefing their passing. Ways I would try and make my griefing positive is I songwrite about my pain after their passing as the lyrics and add a melody with my guitar and then record them and hope to record them when I'm hopefully better and a bit more popular. I also try to keep a positive mindset even if I smile at someone (a bit hard with masks), compliment someone (you might receive one back), ask how someone's day is and also treat people with kindness always every day. Whilst my grandma and grandad were alive and since they told me about my diagnosis I have grown out my hair to later donate to the little princess trust for little girls. my hair is currently above my bum but once it gets to maybe my knees I'm going to get it cut since I could not live without my hair since it makes me feel so confident so I really feel for those little girls who may not feel as confident without hair. I think the best way I dealt with their passings was just thinking of how hard other peoples day must have been and thought they might've been having a harder day than me so i always ask everyone I see how are you just to check up on them especially during this pandemic especially but I hope you soon feel better but I'm sure they are looking down and smiling that's why the sun is out (CURRENTLY) :   ) wishing you all the best x always here for a talk x

Hi [@Jolamine]‍ , I hope your doing ok. I thought I would give you a little update so far. I have had my first bit of therapy, and I feel it has helped me a lot. Once I got into the conversation I felt so comfortable talking. I have learned that it is ok to cry and be upset and actually grieve, I was trying to be strong for everyone else and didn't want to face my emotions. I have been talking about mum as much as I can and looking at her pictures. She just makes me smile every time I look at her I still have my bad days, just as much as good days, and your right that those good days will gradually be more than the bad. The last couple of weeks, my anxiety has improved a lot, So something must be working! 
 

take care xxx

Hey [@Newlife101]‍ , how are you feeling? Just a little update, I have had my first bit of therapy and it has helped a lot. Once I started talking I felt so comfortable, and felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I have found that talking about mum and pictures are also massively helping me. I hope your doing ok.  
 

take care xxx

Hi Asmit,

I am delighted to hear that you have started therapy and that you find it really helping. It is often easier to talk to a stranger than it is to talk to loved ones. I am so glad to hear that you feel comfortable talking. You do need to acknowledge your grief and face your emotions. If you try to be strong all the time and bottle up your feelings, you will only store up trouble for later.

It certainly sounds as if things are looking up for you. You will still have bad days, but being able to talk about your mum and smile at certain memories is a great start. I hope that things continue to move forward for you. Please remember that we are always here and keep in touch.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx