Hi Liltrumps,

I'm sorry to hear about your mum and everything you've been through - I can only imagine how tough this must have been and continues to be. Everyone's journey of grief is different and it's rarely a linear path so it is understandable that it feels like it's getting harder, particularly as it is coming up to one year.

Hopefully as lockdown eases further this will help your dad a little. Then at least it will make it easier for you to see each other more, do things together, and perhaps bring back a little bit of 'normal' life.

I hope it's helped a little to write things down. We're always here for support on this forum if you'd like it at any point - and I know there are others here who have been through or are going through something similar.

Wishing you all the best,

Ben
Cancer Chat Moderator

Heartbreaking is an understatement, life is very cruel, one minute making wonderful plans , then  snatched away in the most cruel way . I'm truly saddened by your loss . Especially as you have a new baby on the way . I too am struggling in a very bad way . My husband survived lung cancer for three years , he was told he had six months, he battled so bravely, I nursed him at home, The last few months were horrific, watching him suffer in pain daily, snd the man I married 37 years ago get further away from me , and there was nothing I could do . Watching his life drain away slowly, then taking his last breaths. I too think I have post traumatic shock , it really is only starting to sink in . I keep wishing it wasn't true , I feel helpless, I'm trying to carry on for the family, putting on a brave face , but every night I cuddle his ashes in bed , and hope I wake up and it's been a terrible nightmare. I feel I can't open up to anyone, as it feels like burdening them , I know they're hurting too , but I just want to scream and scream . Sorry to pour this out on to you . But honestly you can pour out to me too . I know exactly how you feel . Angry and upset for what they are going to miss out on in the future. Our eldest son is getting married in dec . And his dad won't be there . I don't know how I'll cope without him by my side , but I'll stay strong for our son .    I hope this hasn't offended you in anyway, take care and be kind to yourself.