Discussion for young people experiencing loss

Hi,

I just wanted to post and see if anyone replies. I'm interested in setting up some kind of group for young people who have lost someone to cancer. It's reassuring to read posts on here, but I do feel that my situation (Losing my dad aged 19) is very different to someone losing a parent 30 years older, or the loss of a grandparent.

I've been in touch with a couple of people in their late teens or early 20s who feel the same, so if anyone wants to then message me please do.

I would like to message people in a similar situation. I'm not ready for proper counselling, as dad died not even two months ago. Yet I feel people around me moving on with their lives and waiting for me to be over it to be honest. People of my age don't know what to say/ do because this is out of their experience. And the support i've been offered just dumps me with anyone over the age of 18, which is usually people quite a bit older than me, so they don't really get how I feel and I don't get how they feel (not completely anyway). I don't want to upset anyone but I just feel angry when someone old enough to be my mother tells me they understand because their elderly father died. I'm sorry but please don't reply to my post if this is the case.

Hopefully this post will reach out to someone who needs it, because I need someone who gets me.

 

UPDATE: can people please please only reply to this thread if what i've said applies to you, because every time I get an email that someone has replied and they're just making a general comment that they could post themselves, I feel kind of let down. I know this might seem harsh but I feel angry and upset a lot of the time at the moment.

  • I'm sorry to read that you have lost your dad, especially at such a young age. Cancer is a horrible unforgiving illness and it hits hard when someone we love is diagnosed with it. 
     

    I know you have stated that you only want people who can relate to comment on your post, however, I didn't want to read and run. 
     

    My grandad (who is young and is more like a dad to me) who has raised me all my life has just been diagnosed with stage 4 metastic lung cancer. I may be an adult (late 20s) but that doesn't make my pain any easier. I feel broken beyond belief. My whole world has been turned upside down and I am not ready to lose the one person I love more than anyone in this world. The day he was diagnosed (just before Christmas) was the worst day of my life, and the pain I'm experiencing now is just as raw as it was then. Since the diagnosis everything has gone at 100mph. We've gone from him having no symptoms at all and being diagnosed on a whim to full blown palliative care. My head and my heart can not adjust. It doesn't feel real. I don't want it to be real. I can not physically imagine my life without him. He is my first port of call. My best friend, my dad, my hero and to think of losing him is killing me. 
     

    I know you might not want to hear it, but I can understand and relate to how you are feeling. 
     

    I do hope you get to speak to other people in a similar position and you find comfort from them. 
    My heart goes out to you. Take care and be kind to yourself xx

  • Hi there,

    So sorry for your loss when you are so young. I lost my dad back in October and I'm only 32 (I feel 92 right now!).

    I feel the same and would be happy to chat. It's so hard as people around me of my age haven't lost a parent and it's so so hard.

     

    take care xx

  • Hello,

    Sending you all a big hug xx

    What an age to experience something so horrific. It’s not fair. 

    I lost my dad just after my 30th birthday. 7 days from diagnosis to death.

     

    would love to chat x

  • Hi Hayley,

     

    I'm so so so sorry to hear this. My dad passed away after a 2 week diagnosis. It's just heartbreaking.

    I miss him so so so so much! It hurts so much. I was supposed to be getting married in April this year and we have so much planned. 
     

    How are you coping? Hope you are ok xx

  • Hi 

    I feel exactly the same as you I was 26 when I lost my mum and it's been a year on and I still get so angry when older people say they know how I feel.. 

     

    when I won't have my mum To meet my children or be at my wedding, she hasn't been around for me buying my first house, when all the people who said they know how I feel all had their mum at these major events. 
     

    so I completely understand how you feel.. 

     

    I know loosing your mum or dad at any age can be so so difficult but I'm definitely feeling this anger as well 

     

    xx

  •  

    Hey,

    Aw thank you that means a lot. And I’m so sorry for your loss too! It just doesn’t make sense does it, we shouldn’t be having to deal with this so young.

    It’s so hard for other people to understand the grief and trauma of losing a parent. So it’s nice to hear of someone else losing their dad so young because you get it!!

    I’m so truly sorry that you are planning a wedding without your dad being around, that must be the hardest thing..but also a good distraction keeping your mind busy with other exciting things? Let’s face it, there’s not much else to distract ourselves with this pandemic going on is there! 

    I am coping ok I guess.. I find it really hard to explain how I’m coping. It doesn’t feel real. I feel numb a lot. I suffer with anxiety so losing my dad in such a traumatic way has caused a lot of panic attacks, insomnia, health anxiety etc. I did lean on alcohol the first few months, as I couldn’t cope, but a fantastic support network around me which really helped get me out of that. There are some days i cope ok, but other days I just cry lots and feels very difficult to manage..

    What about yourself? Thanks for responding, and take care xxx

  • Hi 

    I totally get you , I have a son your age who has just lost his dad just over a year ago and wonder what hes going through.  He has his dads positivity and is doing really well at the moment dispite what is going on with not being able to go into uni .  It really helped him last year when he could go to uni trying to carry on and do what he had dreamt of doing also being able to socialise takes your mind of what is happening to you .  I am very close to my son and check in on him, are you close to your mum ? It is very different for your age group,  I also have my daughter who is 17 it’s very tough for you but you have your whole life ahead and your dad would want you to make the most of it, appreciate everyday make them proud. Well done for speaking out on here too

     

  • I am so sorry to hear that you lost your dad at such a young age, I am sending you many virtual hugs.

    I am new to this forum (literally my first reply) but I thought it might be helpful to someone if I shared. I lost my older brother (22 at the time), to a metastatic sarcoma almost two years ago, I was 19. I am 21 now. It has ripped my life apart in every way possible since. My world has turned upside down and not gone back to normal since, and the pain and loss comes in waves. When it happened, I crawled into bed for days and told my mum and sister (my dad passed when I was very young) that I could not cope and I wanted to die with him, and I  really did, more than anything, want to die with him. But I can tell you that it gets better, and there are days where I don't feel my heart aching, days when I actually feel peaceful.

    I think losing a loved one to cancer is a different kind of loss. It can be very traumatic, especially when the person who dies is so young, or those that grieve them are young, as you describe.

    I'm happy to chat with anyone who has been through a similar experience. Particularly, if you lost a sibling to a rare cancer like I did, I'd really like to chat and share experiences.

    Lots of love xx

  • I can't think of much else to say right now other than thank you for sharing your experiences with me and reminding me that i'm not alone or going crazy.

    Obviously every situation is different, including mine and your's, I agree that dying of cancer and losing someone to cancer is very traumatic and I identigy with some of those feelings of complete hopelessness.

    I hope this forum gives you a little bit of strength and a way to express yourself, sending thoughts x

  • Hi there ...

    I've had quite a lot of experience with children and teens with grief ... I've learned they grieve differently from adults... and for years wanted to do something ... I'm now, while in this covid lockdown trying to write a little book on child grief ... and things that helped and things that didn't...  

    I'd love to hear from mum's and dad's about how they tackled subjects with kids / young adults... or from teens on how they could have been helped more .. and how it felt ... what they'd say to others going through it ... if we could help anyone get through this heartbraking time, I'd be so greatfull... it may come to nothing ... it may end up being read by those young ones or parents trying to help their kids ..

    I'm doing this, if it comes off as free or just cost price ... to be given out in cancer centres ... l wish no child would have to go through loss ... but letting adults understand how you feel could change those feelings of grief ... Chrissie x