I often think about following my wife to heaven but some how feel she would be mad at me as she thought so hard to beat cancer and did for 6 years she loved life and for me to end mind seems wrong no  to mention the boys how would they cope . I understand your pain mate I really do how come you feel guilty? At least you feel her with you  I can't feel anything just loss and pain 

Yes getting out and walking does help and being around friends and family.

Everytime someone hugs me I just break down in tears - I don't try to hide it anymore. I know I need to let it out whenever it comes.

I know we are not supposed to do these things in the pandemic but without those hugs I think i would go crazy.

The guilt is just feelings of 'did I really do everything I could for her?'; 'did i tell her everything in my heart before she passed?' Etc. Little upsets that we had and thinking of times I got impatient with her. There are so many irrational emotions that can kick in when your loved one is dying. 

I understand I felt the same still do ! I'm sure you said everything  that needs t said and did everything you could do  as for little arguments I feel the same  I remember  we were out with the kids and they wanted an icecream  so we all went to the shop  but mummy could not keep up  so we said meet you back at the house The shop was only a 10 minute walk do you really have cared if I was 15 minutes and she got to come with us x

Thankyou for sharing that with me - it helps to know that it's not just me feeling this way. 

I was feeling at times that I couldn't live with myself!

I know she wouldn't want this.

It's ok mate  there are good people on here to talk to  talking dose help   I'm at the stage now  we're I'm asking why my wife why was she taken  from me  how will I get over the fact I'm never going to see her again  or sleep next to her  or even wach her in the shower  life is so cruel 

I know this pandemic has taken so much away from us, I know a hug is such a comfort. It really had been a cruel time for us. It's when you stop doing and sit down, that's when it hits you. The feelings and emotions are horrible, when will it end. These messages help, although it's not nice knowing what we are all going through, just try and be strong. 

Yes I am trying to be strong but there is just this awful mechanism in the mind that I just can't get away from.

Rossella said I was strong and would handle this but I don't feel strong at all.

I feel some comfort in this community sharing with people who understand. 

Today is a bad day unfortunately but I will keep going.

I have the same feelings and emotions as you.

I am trying hard not to look at them - avoid them in my mind.

It helps for a while until something reminds me of her - which is nearly everything.

I understand I was told that I am a strong person, but this is some challenge that I don't want. I know some days are worse than others. I know everything will remind you of your darling, it's only natural. The loss is really overwhelming, but she would want you to try your best, grief if so hard, it is a illness something I will never forget. Take care,