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Lost my mum

Lovecallofduty
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First time post but I need to know I'm not alone.

I just watched the full monty on itv and I can't help but reflect on how much I miss my mum. I lost my mum just over a year ago she was diagnosed with terminal cancer and lost her life within a week of diagnosis. Does the pain ever get any easier? I miss her so much it's unreal. She was my best friend and my rock and everyday I go to pick up the phone to call her and tell her something new but she's not there and this overwhelming sadness comes over me. 
 

It was all such a blur and although I spent every last minute holding her hand I still feel like there are things left unsaid and wonder if she ever knew how much she meant to me and my children. I have never known this grief and I just feel like it's never gonna get any easier. I just feel like she's not with me anymore and I am starting to worry that I might forget her face and how it felt to have a good old mum cuddle. There are so many things that I want to tell her and this year has been so hard without her. Does it ever get any easier? 

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    Hi there,

    I too watched the full monty programme this evening and cried so so many tears. I lost my dad two weeks after diagnosis of a very rare and aggressive cancer in October 2020 at just 58 years old. I am wondering the same as you - does it get easier? 
     

    im not sure if it gets easier or if we just learn to adapt a little bit each day. As a nurse myself I have always dealt with palliative patients and told them it's like climbing a mountain just one step at a time - I am now struggling to take my own advise!

     

    I think this time of year makes everything worse and more difficult to handle. Everyone around me is putting up Christmas trees and wrapping presents and after just 8 weeks without dad I just can't face it all. 
     

    I find a lot of comfort in this forum hearing how others are coping and getting on. It really helps you to feel that you are not alone even when you feel you are. I'm only in my early 30s so have no friends who have been through it so feel quite lonely at times.

     

    remember how proud you will have made your mum. take one day at a time and remember we can do this.

     

    take care x

  • Offline in reply to Angels-1988
    I too miss my mum.I lost her April 19th this year and and still struggling I havnt stopped crying since my kiddos fell asleep it's now almost 2 am and I'm crying like I'm 5 years old.My dad walked out when I was 11 and I'm finding very hard to come to terms that my kids don't have any grand parents at all my youngest daughter is 3 and my elsdest is 10 i feel sad for them and for me.My mother was so loving and lived for her grand children.She hadn't seen a doctor in 20 years before February and she was gone in April she had a rare cancer it was ovarian that speed straight to her brain if it spread somewhere else first she would probably be here today.The hospital kept sending letters for chemo and radiotherapy to her old address (we changes it like 60 time)by the time they got the address right she was just 2 weak.She got sent home with no end of life care in place and she had to sleep on a sofa bed until we called Macmillan who helped with a bed.She couldn't walk and they just left her go like that.Im 29 and I miss her so much my face Herts when I cry. She wouldn't hurt a fly she was the best woman I have ever met and I feel so lucky she was my mum. I wish you all well xx
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    Hi,

    I'm so sorry you are struggling so much, its not fair anyone has to hurt this way. In my experience, it does get better, but not the way you think. Losing them hurts the same, it always will, but what happenes is instead of when you think of them, remembering you lost them, you start to remember that you had them, and your mind tends to default to a smile when you think of them instead of the pain of losing them.

    You won't ever forget her face, or what her hugs felt like, or the way she sounded or even smelt, I never have, whether i lost someone years or days ago I have always remembered those important things just as vividly. they are treasures even my subconcious knows are too precious to lose, and so does yours.

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    My father died 18 years ago today, suddenly after a surprise diagnosis of leukaemia. I was 33 and 6 months pregnant with his first grandchild. I was utterly devastated and 18 years on I still am BUT you learn to remember them without that frightening yearning you felt in the first years. You start to look at photos and remember happy times. I didn't find talking to anyone particularly helpful but I did find crying and allowing myself to feel utter despair helped release the pressure of my grief. I always did this on my own as I think it would have been too traumatic for others to hear. You have to release your feelings. Don't bottle them up. Forget about Christmas and the new year ahead, don't feel you must conform to the festive spirit, that's too much pressure on yourself. Instead cry as much as you need and indulge your sadness, for me that helped me find a way through the despair and the longing. I share your sadness and pain and I'm here for you 

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