Hi Nat

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's heartbreaking. I'm 25, I lost my mum (46) nearly 4 weeks ago. I also have 2 sisters, I'm the eldest, they are 21 and 5. She was terminal with pancreatic cancer but had just over 2 years and the rollercoaster of emotions we've been on is indescrible.

My one piece of advice is to keep going, do what feels right at that moment & don't put pressure on yourself. There is no old path, there's only a new path now, own the person you've become. I wish I could have told myself that when my Mum was diagnosed, as these are things I've learnt along the way. I've had to learn to get on with life (as much as I could) while living and knowing my Mum was going to die, it's been awful and traumatic and I almost feel regret that I didn't do more but there wasn't anything more I could do! Nor she wanted me to do!

Just appreciate what you both had and be thankful you have the memories & that you have your family to cherish. I don't think it'll ever get easier, we just have to keep going. That's what my Mum always said, she was an absolute trooper.

Elle x

Hi Elle.

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm sorry you lost your mum so young, life can be so unfair. 
 

My mum passed away from lung cancer, which subsequently spread to her lymph nodes and bones. She lived just shy of 12 months from diagnosis. Her diagnosis was picked up from a chest X-ray due to her having a chest infection, it was already incurable at that stage. Huge shock to the family and I'll never forget going to visit her in the hospital and the consultant pulling me into a side room and delivering the words we never wanted to hear. He'd been waiting for me to arrive as he didn't want to give her the news on her own. 
 

it's been a long and bumpy road as Mum pretty much gave up from that day. She allowed everything to be done for her. It was awful to watch my strong, independent mum become a shell of who she was. 
 

You're right regarding a new path, things will never be like they were before. She was the glue to our family. I guess I need to become a variation of that glue for my sisters.

I'm here if you want to talk, I know losing a parent young (although I'm older than you) is so hard. I don't have anyone around me that has lost a parent so find it hard to relate to them, as do they. No one wants to be in our club! 

Thanks

Nat x

Thank you for replying, it means a lot and as you said it helps to speak to people that have or are going through it. 
 

I guess I needed reassurance that how I'm feeling at times (sad, lonely, angry) and the numbness is normal. Like I mentioned I have no one who has gone through this and my sisters are dealing with it in their own way. As I looked after her I can only assume my grieving path with be slightly different as I have trauma attached to the loss.

A problem shared is a problem halved and all that.. 

Nat x 

Hi Nat. feeling lost is just the beging. taking on that role of  organising the funeral and trying to protect your sisters as best you could. being the strong one perhaps you haven't given yourself that time to grieve properly .

I lost my wife  we were married for nearly 34 years, she was 62 years young at the time of her passing, it's Coming up to 6 months since my wife died from aggressive cancer. which wasn't diagnosed until she had a scan on her broken thigh bone and a dislodge  hip. she was given at the most two months, but it was 6 weeks before she died. It was during the covid19 outbreak so the hospital was in lockdown and no visitors were allowed. We brought her home to look after her. We did have nurses to administer her pain relief , and helpers to give her bed washers as she was bed ridden. Luck for me all the funeral details were handled by her sister. who I might add kept me and my son and daughter together. she was amazing. if it was left to me, I'd be getting cremated with her. I just could not cope. even weeks after her passing I had imaginary conversations  with her.

It's now coming up to 6 months and I'm not sure if I can cope with Christmas on my own. I know I'm going to have to try. before my wifes cancer was diagnosed, I was her full time carer, and in march I had ulta sound MRI scan and a CT scan all within 5 days. which did  make me think that's odd, as I was o0n 4 monthly scans. the following week I was given an appointment to see a specailist who just said I had a malignant liver cancer. I decided to keep it to myself and not tell my wife.  Then she had this cancer.  It was only when we knew something was going to happen. Don't know what gave us this feeling. I held her hand as her breathing became shorter. I told her she was going no where as I held her hand. I said to her I have kept a secret from you and told her I will be joining her soon as I had kept my cancer secret. she opened her eyes, they were glazed over but I'm sure she could see me. she gave me a wry smile as if she was saying hurry up hun, I'll be waiting. then she breathed out and she was gone.I looked at my two kids and they said you were only kidding dad weren't you. I broke down as did my kids. all they said was they can't lose both of us.

We have chatted since and I have assured them I'll fight my own cancer with everything I have. but they need to understand if I loose my battle the be happy as I'll be with their mum watching over them.