Hi there ...

So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment.... loosing a parent , I think is the second hardest thing we have to go through ... you've only just lost your mum ... three months is nothing, it's still raw ...

We all think grieving is a certain way ... what we should or shouldn't do or feel ... where in reality it's different for every one .. I'd say go with how you feel .. give your heart permission to feel what ever comes into... and say that's o.k ... I felt very like you, and couldn't understand it ... but then I had a feeling she was still around , telling me she's o.k now ... l didn't feel the need to cry at her funeral ... couldn't understand it ... yet 2 years later cryed all through an uncle's funeral I wasn't close to .. then it hit me, I was crying for mum ... just 2 years on ... 

My mum was my best buddy to ... and over the years I've felt her close like finding feathers everywhere on having my breast cancer diagnosed ... nearly every day ... then when they said I had a contained cancer and small chance of spread ... the feathers stopped ..

Now if your mum's watching you, would she rather see you o.k or crying 24/7  ... I think you know .. and she's not left you, as you are half of her ... you carry her with you in your heart .... you just can't see her, but she's around ... like my mum ..

So be kind to yourself .. carry on ... if you ever want to cry , then cry ... or cuss ... or smile ... it's all just o.k ...  don't think how you think you should feel ... just feel what you need to .. and go with it ... it can creep up one day in a month , or years ... and it all comes out ... that's o.k .. it's normal ... but for now, know how much you missed her and will always ... as the saying goes ... go with the flow .. sending you a vertual hug...  Chrissie xx

Hi Kerrie

I know the pain you're going through when you lost someone who is so near and dear. I lost my son who was 34 years old on 21, August from pancreatic cancer. He was healthy, in fact he was extremely health conscious. It was so sudden, there were no sign and symptoms. I cry everyday, I miss my Sunny so much, we lived together, had wonderful happy life, now I'm left heart broken, empty house, sadness.

Like you anything I eat reminds me my son. Morning and night time is worse, when I see his empty room, miss his good morning mum, good night mum. 
 

Life is cruel. Have you tried counselling? It takes the edge of your pain, you can pour your feeling, cry as much as you like. They are empathetic. Someone suggested me to keep the radio on (talking bbc 4j to break the silence. If you want to talk, share your emotion you can message us anytime whenever you are down. For me when I talk to someone and cry makes me feel little better. Don't hold it , let it out, cryi is part of healing.

Take care,

Big hug

Ash x

Thank you so much, if I'm being honest being here makes me feel better because while I have siblings I'm not really close to them as being born last and a lot younger than the others we didn't go to school together as they had all grown up by the time i was born. I feel like here I can talk to people who have all been in the same situation. 

Thank you. 

I just imagined that when I lost mum everything would be so dark and while it is, there is light too which i never expected if you know what i mean

I am so sorry for your loss, losing a son is something i can never imagine but sadly we lost my nephew in May so my brother knows the pain of what you're going through. 

It wasn't through cancer though he had been killed in an accident on the road. 

Hi Kerrie

Thank you for your kind words. I can imagine what your brother is going through, when someone dies so sudden, so young. My son and myself had dreams and expectations and we had our hopes of thriving life.  The crashing of these hopes has given me deep heartache. I will never be the same again. Part of me has lost.

Take care

big hug

Ash x