Hey,

Um, so yeah, I lost my father, well I called him Pa or Papa in June from stage 4 non hodgkin's  lymphoma.  I desperately miss him so much. Him and I were thick as theives and I jist adored him ao much. He passed away at home with me my mum and my brother. Luckily I was furloughed so was able to support my mum in cleaning him etc. He has left the biggest whole and it isn't easy at all, I know people say it gets better in time but for me, just nah. Im 29 and the thought of never having Pa walk my down the aisle and everything else tears me in two.

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your lovely Pa.

I understand where you are coming from, my Mum and I were best buddies and did so much together, she's left a massive void. I think that's why it hurts so much, when they've played such a big part in your life, when they aren't there it feels weird. I feel a bit lost without my mum to be honest, she guided me a lot (I'm 46) and I still took her advice and enjoyed her company, we would have a great laugh out shopping, looking back they were really good times. It is getting a little easier, I still have days were I miss her like mad, but I feel ready to open up a bit more now and I'm glad to have found this forum and meet people who've experienced similar loss. I hope things feel better for you soon, keep talking and crying and remember those good times too! 
Take care

GB

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your lovely Pa.

I understand where you are coming from, my Mum and I were best buddies and did so much together, she's left a massive void. I think that's why it hurts so much, when they've played such a big part in your life, when they aren't there it feels weird. I feel a bit lost without my mum to be honest, she guided me a lot (I'm 46) and I still took her advice and enjoyed her company, we would have a great laugh out shopping, looking back they were really good times. It is getting a little easier, I still have days were I miss her like mad, but I feel ready to open up a bit more now and I'm glad to have found this forum and meet people who've experienced similar loss. I hope things feel better for you soon, keep talking and crying and remember those good times too! 
Take care

GB

Thank you for your kind words and obviously I am very sorry for your loss too (sorry i should of acknowledged that first post).  I totally get you though, Pa was 74 and just cheeky. He had the best sense of humour.  It's lush isn't it when you genuinely enjoy theor company. It's nice that you have such lovely memories to look back on, my goodness I can think of all the things I've done with Pa. We always did Xmas late bight shopping just the two of us every year, we would always have tea out. Its hard because he had such a rough ride this year. He had a stem cell  transplant  in january this year, got neutropenic sepsis,  had a fall and got an acute subdural hematoma,  ended up in ICU for 6 nights. But he came home and tried to get better but he just had a tought time and never recovered. Gosh this year has just been terrible for people in so many ways and cancer, well cancer just makes it worse. Im glad you feel ready to chat, it helps, ive talked about it to my boyfriend and mum but my mum doesnt always want to hear it cause its upsetting. She knew Pa since she was 19, shes now 66. Like yoi said to me keep talking and crying. Don't feel bad for it. I would never let anyone make you feel bad for being upset (if they do or have done) nothing will ever take away the sadness of losing someone you love, and gosh, I certainly love my Pa more than anything. Keep well.