Hi Victoria

i am so sorry about your husband. 
My husband died on the 19th April this year after being diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in August 19. 

My husband was 58, we had been together for 32 years and have 2 daughters 25 and 28. We were really happy and loved our life together, we were very lucky. 
I have good friends but none of them have experienced this and although I can talk to them I don't want to depress them. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless it's happened to  them. 
I would find it helpful to talk too

Amanda

Hi Victoria

i am so sorry about your husband. 
My husband died on the 19th April this year after being diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer in August 19. 

My husband was 58, we had been together for 32 years and have 2 daughters 25 and 28. We were really happy and loved our life together, we were very lucky. 
I have good friends but none of them have experienced this and although I can talk to them I don't want to depress them. I don't think anyone can truly understand unless it's happened to  them. 
I would find it helpful to talk too

Amanda

Hello Amanda,

I am so sorry to hear about your husband's passing recently. I fully understand what you're going through and it's probably nothing like what you expected.

I can only speak about how I feel because I lost my gorgeous wife in 2018. 
Do you find that you just somehow get through the day? And take a day at a time? I know my wife's passing is over two years ago but I don't feel any different now to day one. I have written down some of my feelings which I sometimes look at or add to. So enough about me how are you coping and your children? I would like to hear from you at your convenience.

Chris x

Hi all.

Haven't been on here for a while, but it is World Mental Health Day today, and thought I would catch up with like-minded people who are going through the same horrible situation as me.

Victoria and Amanda, I lost my husband two years ago to non-small cell lung cancer (very fit man who never smoked in his life) and it is still as raw now as it was back then.  He was taken away to the hospital on 8 October 2018 and didn't come back.

I can only say, do what it takes to get through each day to live this "new life" that none of us want to be living in.

Chris has already mentioned that you can message him, or message me if I can be of any support to you and yours at this time.

Thinking of you all.

June

Hello, I know what you are going through, I lost my husband June this year, after being diagnosed last Christmas with oesophageal cancer. We were married for 36 years this month, he was a very young 69. I miss him terribly, I hate the scared feeling, life is so lonely, friends are kind, but nobody knows until it happens to you. It's a comfort to read that others know these feelings. This pandemic is making things so much worse, not being able to meet people. Just have to take one day at a time. 

Hello,

im so sorry for your loss, it's horrible isn't it? I know that scared feeling, it feels like you can't breathe. 
I can't believe that it's nearly 6 months since my wonderful husband passed. I can't believe that I'm still here but I know I've got to go on for my girls and my dad. My husband never gave up hope. 
I feel like I'm just going through the motions though. I know I was lucky to have had 32 years with my husband, lots of people don't have that and we were so happy together. 
As you said, one day at a time 

Hello Petanda,

I totally understand about going through the motions. Somehow you know that you have to get through the day for yourself and your daughters. It is just so incredibly sad and draining but you just seem to get the strength to battle through this horrible time. 

In my case I try to be strong for my son and daughter but inside you feel awful.

Chris

Hi Chris

thanks for responding to my post. It's helpful to know that others understand, I'm so sorry that you are going through this too. 
As you say we've got to think of our children but I can't help but think that they have their own lives and I don't want to be a burden to them. I try to be positive and upbeat when with them even though I don't feel it. You get used to putting a mask, both real and virtual, on. 

Hello June

thank you for your kind message, you are right about this 'new life'. I just want my old life back it was wonderful and i realised that while I was living it. I just miss my husband so much every second of every day. It doesn't get any easier, I suppose it never will

Amanda

Hi Petanda,

That is exactly how I feel. I very rarely cry in front of my kids, not that i'm ashamed of it, but I try and do my crying when I'm on my own. But I think if I don't feel that pain then perhaps I will be starting to feel 'normal'.  And I don't want to be like that, I want to feel some pain.

Sometimes I find it hard to communicate what I feel and I don't want to upset people.

So how are you coping are you just living day to day? I honestly don't feel any different to day one and I think this grief is something you carry with you. Have you read any books, and have you seen a bereavement counsellor? 

Thanks for replying

Chris

Hi Chris

I haven't had any counselling, I don't know if it would be of any benefit as it can't change what's happened. 
I have read The Grief Book and Widow to Widow and found them both useful. I have also read an article in Good Housekeeping by Dr Edith Eger, a survivor of Auschwitz, which was inspiring. Her life lessons are very insightful especially about dealing with grief. 
I think we are all living day to day at the moment so I don't feel that I'm any different to anyone else. Everyone seems to be struggling with something. 
I am realising that this grief will be something I will always live with and I am starting to accept this. 
Thank you for taking an interest in my situation and it does help to talk to others who are also going through this

Amanda

Hello

i have that feeling of dread in my stomach too. My husband died on 30 September a year after his diagnosis with oesophageal cancer. I just can't get my head round that this is life forever. I think I am ok and then suddenly I'm sobbing. He was 73 and we were married almost 54 years. He died at home with me and our children here but that last few weeks is a blur and I keep trying to remember if we talked and what we said. The thing that gets me up in the morning is the need to take my dog out. I am grateful for that.