Hi, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through,  losing a parent at this age is very cruel, something that should never happen.  my husband passed away from oseophagus cancer on April the 3rd after being ill for the last year, it has been the most terrible time in our lives. I have a daughter, 13, who was very close to her Dad and is missing him heaps, they did alot together like mountain biking, he was is intense pain too the last few months that couldn't be eased either, an awful thing to have to watch and not be able to do anything about.  She has a younger sister too (aged 9). If you would like to chat with her I can put you in touch with her, she chats to a couple of other teens met on here who have also lost a parent, she mainly uses instagram, I can private message you her details. being a mum I know your mum would not think you could have been a better son, mums don't think like that,  we love our kids the way they are!  I'm sure she was proud of you and the way you have turned out, no one's perfect,  parents aren't either!  we all wish we could have done some things better or different... the way you speak of her it is obvious you shared a deep love and were cherished, noone can take that away from you. There is no way your mum would've left you if she didn't have to. It's hard to see any light in the future at present, I feel the same,  people say it will get easier,  but not yet, I think it will take a long time. Someone else said to me in the same situation that they decided it was " sink or swim,  and to sink would show lack of respect for the person that had gone, and everything they had done for them, so it had to be swim". I am trying to live our lives as I know he would have wanted us to, not easy though without him, life will never be the same for any of us, you feel very alone, but you are not, there are lots of others unfortunately suffering like this too

Hi, I'm sorry to hear what you are going through,  losing a parent at this age is very cruel, something that should never happen.  my husband passed away from oseophagus cancer on April the 3rd after being ill for the last year, it has been the most terrible time in our lives. I have a daughter, 13, who was very close to her Dad and is missing him heaps, they did alot together like mountain biking, he was is intense pain too the last few months that couldn't be eased either, an awful thing to have to watch and not be able to do anything about.  She has a younger sister too (aged 9). If you would like to chat with her I can put you in touch with her, she chats to a couple of other teens met on here who have also lost a parent, she mainly uses instagram, I can private message you her details. being a mum I know your mum would not think you could have been a better son, mums don't think like that,  we love our kids the way they are!  I'm sure she was proud of you and the way you have turned out, no one's perfect,  parents aren't either!  we all wish we could have done some things better or different... the way you speak of her it is obvious you shared a deep love and were cherished, noone can take that away from you. There is no way your mum would've left you if she didn't have to. It's hard to see any light in the future at present, I feel the same,  people say it will get easier,  but not yet, I think it will take a long time. Someone else said to me in the same situation that they decided it was " sink or swim,  and to sink would show lack of respect for the person that had gone, and everything they had done for them, so it had to be swim". I am trying to live our lives as I know he would have wanted us to, not easy though without him, life will never be the same for any of us, you feel very alone, but you are not, there are lots of others unfortunately suffering like this too