Thank you so very much for your kind words, my heart also goes out to you for everything that you've also been through. 
 

I promised my Mum that I would take care of Dad, and I hope that wherever she is, she feels that I am making her proud. 
 

A friend said to me only the other day, that a photo I shared of my little girl looked just like my mum, and that really gave me a boost. Someone said to me; that she lives on in me and in my children, and I also read that our energy never dies, it remains on this earth. 
 

I have got in contact with Cruse bereavement team and I am waiting to have someone allocated for my sessions with them. I think after that, I might still need a private counsellor, but will see how it goes.

meantime, sending love and support and so glad I posted, it's good to not feel alone in this new normal.

Take care 

I completely understand how you're feeling, and with the restrictions of covid on top I really feel for you and your family. It doesn't feel like it, but you will get through it, I am almost five months into this grief, and looking back to when I too had to plan the funeral I don't know how I did it. I chose a purple dress and bright shoes, and I got a bright pink dress for my daughter, my Mum loved Purples. I read out a poem that I wrote for mum and somehow held myself together whilst everyone else cried. 

Now I think somehow, we're stronger than we ever realised. But it's just one step, one minute, one day at a time. I feel the same, some days it comes over me and it's such a deep pain I want to scream that I want her back, I can't be without her. Someone told me that she is a part of me, so she is always with me, I know it's not really much of a comfort - but we have been so lucky to have had amazing mums and they have given us the tools to go on in this world. 
 

Please know that you are doing absolutely amazingly just by getting up each day, and being there for your dad, hold on to each other. If you can, talk about your mum and all of the wonderful things you have done together, feel all of the emotions that come, let them out if you can, and we are here in this for ssupport and a listening ear.
 

xx
 

Hi thanks ime doing ok now its a dull ache now but i thought ime going to be like this forever but ime not . Yes cruz is ok ime surprised you have got some counciling from them but i do suggest you talk to your local hospice there everywhere just ring and ask fo visiter center then ask there i when to drs one one and it was someone that had got it from a book you cant learn this that way the councilers usualy start out looking after the sick anyway your choise but in my case yes i had my adult kids but how could they understsnd the pain Shakespeare's said everyones an expert at dealing with grief till they have to go through it themselve yes your mum is in your child and you but more than that .sorry your dads suffering dementia seems to be another scurge on humanity but dont wear yourself out or feel guilty if he needs to go in a nusing home my cousin felt terrible guilt over it till we had a chat about it like you her brother was rubbish but some are weak its just how they are made just dont wear yourself out i bet your mums smiling now knowing what a great daughter she has i would be in her place .p

In response to Julesyb

Thank you for your support, it's helps to know there are people out there who know exactly how I'm feeling and give me a push to go on. I'm afraid I can't give anyone any advice just yet but maybe when I'm out of this wretched place I'm in I might be to. I have to get mums funeral done first, it's going to the hardest dad of my life.            

Thank you all x

Hi lovely

i am the original poster from last year, and I just wanted to reach out to you and say firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your mum and the heartbreak and stress you are going through. 
 

I can only say, as little as it might help, I have somehow survived despite the grief and the feeling of such loss, I miss my mum every day, and am also dealing with trying to sort the legal stuff out as my dad has dementia and Mum left no will. I am also close to Basingstoke if you ever feel like having a coffee and a chat, as I completely understand how awful the situation is. 
 

I know it feels so overwhelming and all just too much to think and process, just take it step by step, keep just putting one foot in front of the other, most solicitors give initial advice free of charge, I also highly recommend Cruse bereavement charity, they were amazing and I found talking to my allocates counsellor once a week really helped me to process everything. 
 

sending you love and strength xx

Hi Butterflyzoeb,

I am very sorry to read about what you are currently going through. I was in exactly the same place as you in 2015, the same hospitals involved, with my mum. She was given the same prognosis of 2-3 months in November 2014 without treatment, but even less with treatment because she was deemed so weak at the time. My mum wasn't having that and dug deep, and the 3 rounds of radiotherapy they were able to offer her gave us an extra 8 months with her. She was 60. We had the same issue in obtaining a hospital bed before coming home, my dad threw everything he had at them and I think he maybe spoke to Macmillan? And they helped in moving things along by getting the right people involved quickly. Being at home gave her such a boost. My mum also didn't have a will but got her affairs in order as best she could. We wish she had for we are in a position where my dad married someone else who is set to pocket everything, which I am pretty certain is the last thing my mum would have wanted. I'm here if you want to message me privately for a chat, I can fully relate to all that you are feeling right now. The grief is immense. Mine was compounded by discovering I was pregnant one day before my mum passed. It took me 3 years to get to a place where I could get through the week without crying. But as everyone will tell you, it does get easier and those tears will become smiles when you think of her x  

Hi,

I lost my sister and best friend this year to Glioblastoma, she was 39. I helped care for her during the last 6 months of my maternity leave until she passed away on the day I was supposed to go back to work. I haven't made it back to work yet.

I wouldn't usually comment on something like this but what you said really resonated with me, feeling there's something wrong with you, then crying so much it's like your heart has been ripped out - I really feel like I could have wrote that whole paragraph.
 

I feel empty and lost, with a tightness in my chest like I could just scream, but I hold it in and try to continue as best I can for my daughter and husband. I don't have anything profound to say, it's just the worst possible thing and there are no words that can adequately describe the pain. I just want to thank you for your words, although I wouldn't wish this experience on anyone I guess in some way it helps to know others have felt the pain I'm feeling and have managed to continue and, I hope, feel happiness again

xx

Hello lovely 

I am the original poster, and I just wanted to say firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your sister. 
 

if it offers even the tiniest bit of comfort or hope in any way, I am still here carrying on, one day at a time, trying to focus on positive things, and when those waves of pain and despair hit, at the most unexpected or random of times, I let myself feel it, whether that's tears, or rage, or just pure disbelief at how this could have happened. I have found that talking about it has also really helped me to cope, and keep going.

if anyone asks me, I am open and honest about it all. I cannot recommend Cruse bereavement highly enough, they were amazing and a safe place to talk freely.
 

I took a small bit of comfort in knowing that to feel such grief, meant that I had had such love in my life, and the grief is all of that love with nowhere to go. I wish with all of my heart that Mum could still be here, but I feel truly lucky to have had such a bond and such love in my life. That's how I try to look at it on particularly tough days, when all I want to do is pick up the phone and have a chat. 
 

For what it's worth, I'm here and sending virtual support if ever needed. Just to let you know, you're not alone out there xxx