Dear JulesyB,

You clearly loved your Mum very much, and she will have known it, during those terrible months. But that love now makes your grief very acute. 
There is nothing wrong with the way you are reacting. Everyone grieves in different ways. And the duration of grief is different for everyone too. But it will, eventually, start to get less painful. Grief will turn to sadness, and in time this will become acceptance. 
Glioblastoma is a horrible cancer, except for one thing. It is not usually accompaned by much pain. Your Mum will have gained much comfort having you and her other loved ones by her side, as she slowly slipped away. 
You were a wonderful daughter. I wish you every strength and, when you start feeling better after the passage of time, every happiness. xx Harry

I too have just lost my mum, 8 days ago to be exact to glioblastoma. Mum was diagnosed on Feb 2nd after having a scan as she was poorly over Christmas, we thought she'd had a stroke but turns out not. Sitting in the consultants room with mum, dad and my brother to be told to go home and live the weeks/months mum has left hit us like a train. From that day on we have cared for her at home as a family. Covid came and made everything so much harder as mum's sisters could come to see her. By mid March she was totally immobile, we had all the equipment needed to lift from bed to commode to chair etc. We were doing full personal care as mum had no use on her left side. Eventually we had carers coming in twice a day, I know it took some weight of us but it's not their mum so the love and empathy in some isn't there. Mum wanted to go into the hospice for a rest, she was in for two weeks and we fetched her back home because although they do a fantastic job mum needed to be talked to and have company but with Covid we could only see her for two hrs throughout the day, it just wasn't enough so she slept most of the time. When we got her home we had a few good days with her, she was chatting to us but seemed more confused which got worse over the coming weeks. Then her eating went off and she slept most of the time. I woke one morning to mums breathing sounding awful and she looked a funny colour, I called the district nurse out and said that this could be it and to sit with her and get the family here. We sat with her all day and all night, all the while mum had this death rattle which was just awful sound. For 23hrs we sat there, holding her hand, telling her how much we all loved her when she opened her eyes and asked for porridge! She ate well that day and even made me laugh on a few occasions. However 2 days later we were back there again, the secretions had returned and we couldn't wake her. Things seemed different this time tho, her hands and lips were turning blue. We never left her side apart from each having a few hrs kip in between. 4.30am on June 7th I had got up went downstairs and dad said no change so go back to bed for a hour. I gave mum a kiss and truddled back to bed. As I lay down dad came rushing upstairs to me and my brother saying mums breathing had changed, we rushed downstairs to watch mum take her last breath. My knees buckled and I let out this animal like sound, the pain in my heart hurts so bad, I understand the void people mention, now I know. I can't believe she's gone and I don't know how to keep going without her, but I have to for my dad's sake, he's a mess. Mum and dad did everything together, he's says he doesn't want to go on without her, I don't know what I can do xx

My heart goes out to you and your family, I know exactly how awful and how cruel this evil disease is. Covid on top of having to try and deal with this as well, I can only imagine how much harder that made things for you and your family. 
 

They say Glioblastoma is one of the cruelest, it steals them away in front of you, you can't get your head around how this can have happened and so fast. Like you, I have felt like I have had to hold the family together, despite being the youngest child. 
 

I never thought I would ever be able to 'cope' with losing my Mum, she was my best friend, and I thought she'd be here a hell of a lot longer, but it's strange, you sort of go into autopilot, she told me I had to carry on, somehow, as impossible as it feels, and some days are worse, you do. I think in some ways it also helps to know that you're not alone, when you see others with their mums doing the things you would have been doing, simple things, it's hard not to feel rage. 
 

I feel lucky that we were able to be with mum every day all day/night at the hospice because it was just before COVID really hit the UK, but if she hadn't declined we were planning to bring her home to our house. I have massive, massive respect for you to have cared for her at home, that's also a huge and loving thing to have done. 
 

The hospice team told me, that the greatest thing you can ever do for someone, is to be with them at the very end, that is the biggest show of love, to be there for them in that crucial moment. I also believe there is more we can't possibly understand about dying, the nurses told me that 80% of the patients start talking to 'invisible' people at the end, and I feel that says something. 
 

It's very early days for us both, but I have just recently contacted Cruse bereavement charity, they can offer some counselling sessions free of charge, they said that from 3-5 months after losing a loved one, is usually when people can contemplate some counselling. 
 

I too have moments where I think how on earth can I go on? Just know that you will, your mum loved you so much that she would want you to, but, it is a take each day, each minute as it comes, if you need to cry, cry, if you need alone time have it, do whatever you need to do to get throigh each day, and if you can, talk about her as much as possible. 
 

Always here for anyone who needs a listening ear, we're all in this awful 'new normal' together. You're not alone xx

Today's been a bad day, I've cried most of it, I'm a mess. Had to go and buy an outfit for mums funeral on Tuesday, well I say funeral, covids taken the chance of sending mum off the way she wished, just a graveside service with close family. I'm not ready for this, I want my mum back. Sorry don't mean to upset anyone, I just have the deepest pain in my heart. I'm so worried about dad, they did everything together, now he's lost. 

I completely understand how you're feeling, and with the restrictions of covid on top I really feel for you and your family. It doesn't feel like it, but you will get through it, I am almost five months into this grief, and looking back to when I too had to plan the funeral I don't know how I did it. I chose a purple dress and bright shoes, and I got a bright pink dress for my daughter, my Mum loved Purples. I read out a poem that I wrote for mum and somehow held myself together whilst everyone else cried. 

Now I think somehow, we're stronger than we ever realised. But it's just one step, one minute, one day at a time. I feel the same, some days it comes over me and it's such a deep pain I want to scream that I want her back, I can't be without her. Someone told me that she is a part of me, so she is always with me, I know it's not really much of a comfort - but we have been so lucky to have had amazing mums and they have given us the tools to go on in this world. 
 

Please know that you are doing absolutely amazingly just by getting up each day, and being there for your dad, hold on to each other. If you can, talk about your mum and all of the wonderful things you have done together, feel all of the emotions that come, let them out if you can, and we are here in this for ssupport and a listening ear.
 

xx
 

In response to Julesyb

Thank you for your support, it's helps to know there are people out there who know exactly how I'm feeling and give me a push to go on. I'm afraid I can't give anyone any advice just yet but maybe when I'm out of this wretched place I'm in I might be to. I have to get mums funeral done first, it's going to the hardest dad of my life.            

Thank you all x

Hey everyone I'm new to this but reading everyone's experiences is so heartbreaking I am also going to lose my mum to the same brain tumor in a couple of weeks I don't know how I am going to cope without her atm she's in a hospice she desperately wants to go home but they are saying she can't until she agrees to go home with a hospital bed and because of covid it's only one visitor a day and it's been booked up since Wednesday til next that's another week gone she was Originally given 2_5 months and three weeks later they did another scan because one hospital wasn't telling us anything so she was taken to another hospital for another scan only for the tumour to of gotten so much worse to the point her prognosis Went to 2-4 week's that was nearly 2 week's ago I can only contact her through the fone she's scared and miserable and just wants to be home I don't know everything despite me being the eldest and my brother being next of kin Its my mum's half sister they are communicating with I'm just lost I don't know what to do I cared for my nan through her Cancer and I desperately want to do the same for my mum and she hasn't left a Will I have no funds to get a solicitor involved or pay for her funeral upfront it's all a mess I'm grieving even thou she's still here I just want to do the best for her and make her proud and want her to know I will do anything for her in every single way and tbh I can't believe I'm here writing this it doesn't seem real I'm just so devastated don't know what to do but wanting to protect her and her estate because I have had family going on about it and she's not even gone yet I know it's got to be done it's just a bit much when they are going on about her will I'f she's Left one and going to court to appoint someone to deal with it all when it was less than 2 days after I got the news sorry for the ramble like I said totally lost xx

Hi lovely

i am the original poster from last year, and I just wanted to reach out to you and say firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your mum and the heartbreak and stress you are going through. 
 

I can only say, as little as it might help, I have somehow survived despite the grief and the feeling of such loss, I miss my mum every day, and am also dealing with trying to sort the legal stuff out as my dad has dementia and Mum left no will. I am also close to Basingstoke if you ever feel like having a coffee and a chat, as I completely understand how awful the situation is. 
 

I know it feels so overwhelming and all just too much to think and process, just take it step by step, keep just putting one foot in front of the other, most solicitors give initial advice free of charge, I also highly recommend Cruse bereavement charity, they were amazing and I found talking to my allocates counsellor once a week really helped me to process everything. 
 

sending you love and strength xx

Hi Butterflyzoeb,

I am very sorry to read about what you are currently going through. I was in exactly the same place as you in 2015, the same hospitals involved, with my mum. She was given the same prognosis of 2-3 months in November 2014 without treatment, but even less with treatment because she was deemed so weak at the time. My mum wasn't having that and dug deep, and the 3 rounds of radiotherapy they were able to offer her gave us an extra 8 months with her. She was 60. We had the same issue in obtaining a hospital bed before coming home, my dad threw everything he had at them and I think he maybe spoke to Macmillan? And they helped in moving things along by getting the right people involved quickly. Being at home gave her such a boost. My mum also didn't have a will but got her affairs in order as best she could. We wish she had for we are in a position where my dad married someone else who is set to pocket everything, which I am pretty certain is the last thing my mum would have wanted. I'm here if you want to message me privately for a chat, I can fully relate to all that you are feeling right now. The grief is immense. Mine was compounded by discovering I was pregnant one day before my mum passed. It took me 3 years to get to a place where I could get through the week without crying. But as everyone will tell you, it does get easier and those tears will become smiles when you think of her x  

Hi Butterflyzoeb,

I am very sorry to read about what you are currently going through. I was in exactly the same place as you in 2015, the same hospitals involved, with my mum. She was given the same prognosis of 2-3 months in November 2014 without treatment, but even less with treatment because she was deemed so weak at the time. My mum wasn't having that and dug deep, and the 3 rounds of radiotherapy they were able to offer her gave us an extra 8 months with her. She was 60. We had the same issue in obtaining a hospital bed before coming home, my dad threw everything he had at them and I think he maybe spoke to Macmillan? And they helped in moving things along by getting the right people involved quickly. Being at home gave her such a boost. My mum also didn't have a will but got her affairs in order as best she could. We wish she had for we are in a position where my dad married someone else who is set to pocket everything, which I am pretty certain is the last thing my mum would have wanted. I'm here if you want to message me privately for a chat, I can fully relate to all that you are feeling right now. The grief is immense. Mine was compounded by discovering I was pregnant one day before my mum passed. It took me 3 years to get to a place where I could get through the week without crying. But as everyone will tell you, it does get easier and those tears will become smiles when you think of her x