No you’re not Trace.  You have to do what is right for you and you have already said your goodbyes and told him you love him, he knows that.  Many people choose to go on their own so don’t feel guilty about not being there.  I was unable to be with dad when we lost him at 5am on 8 June but I saw him on the Saturday when he had entered the dying phase.  He showed very little signs that he knew I was there until I held his hand, said goodbye and told him we all loved him and he gave my hand a small squeeze.  This has to be better than seeing them taking their last breath and I did this too with my mum.

i went to see my dad in the undertakers and said my goodbyes to him again then.  I don’t feel that I have let him or myself down.  Just do what is right for you.  Sending love and support x

hello 

my dad passed during the night when he had a night nurse with him, i dont think he would have gone with me or my sisters and brothers by his side, i got a call from the nurse to say he had stopped breathing, he had been really settled that night, she said his breathing didnt  rattle or any of the near death signs, if he had she would have called us, my dad had cancer in several places but i think he also had a blood clot on his leg, i asked the doctor about his swollen leg and she just nodded and said that might be a blessing, i understood what she ment, 2 days later he died, with a smile on his face, once the nurse called me i called all the close family up and we all went round my dad looked so peaceful x im sure it was a blood clot that got him in the end so he didnt suffer a long dragged out passing and for that im grateful 

take care 

L x 

Thank you xx

Its not selfish most don't want to be watched dying, I tried to stay with my mum and she waved me out of her room like get going cos I am, if you know what I mean. We talked before she was to ill to answer me and told me its personal probably like being watched on the loo. I take comfort in her not wanting me to see and possibly being traumatised by it. I watched cancer take so much of her away, her strength, fight and a truck load of weight but her spirit and sparkly eyes were there and her wit and even as an adult my mum protected me.

so sorry for your loss, but im sure he wouldnt have wanted you to witness his leaving... like i said my dad waited for when he was just with the night nurse i think he would have preferred to be alone but he knew that wasnt going to happen, im also glad your dad looked at peace and out of pain, i think the thing that helped me was going to see my dad in the chapel of rest, because he had lived in tshirts and paper pants for the last month or so of his life so when i went to the chapel to see him he was all smart and in a 3 peace suit he looked so handsome :) 

we will always miss them but a peace of them is carried in our hearts 

take care x