Hi Mary1978. I'm so sorry you are not coping well with your loss. No one ever really prepares us for that kind of loss. I lost my mum two years ago in May. Since then I'm much more fragile, more depressed and anxious than usual, and struggle with finding purpose and joy in life. She was my best friend, someone I could talk to who just "got me". We were kindred spirits. 

I know it's been said many times that the first year is the hardest. I didn't really believe it at first, and just assumed I'd feel like that for the rest of my life. I realize now, two years on, that yes - the first year is the hardest. It's hard because it's new. It's like losing a part of yourself and it's so hard to figure out who you are after - how do you live with the new you who is so encompassed by grief?

It does take time to process the loss. I still can't believe my mum is gone, two years on! But I find that I no longer spend the entire day thinking about it. Our loved ones who are no longer with us would want us to be happy, and so it is important to try to find ways that we can experience joy. 

I write my mum letters. I know it sounds weird, but it helps. I tell her all about everything that's going on and although it's one sided, it feels a bit like I'm having a chat with her, which I miss so much!

Two years on, I find that sometimes I smile when I think about her instead of cry!!!! Which is how I want it to be moving forward. I want to have a laugh with her, remember the good times. She wouldn't want me to remain a basket case for the rest of my life!

I really hope that you find a way to live with the grief. It's different for everyone. But just the fact that you miss her so much means that you loved her, and that she loved you too. Just remember, that love never went anywhere! She didn't choose to leave, so in a way, the love is still there. All the best. 

Hi Mary1978. I'm so sorry you are not coping well with your loss. No one ever really prepares us for that kind of loss. I lost my mum two years ago in May. Since then I'm much more fragile, more depressed and anxious than usual, and struggle with finding purpose and joy in life. She was my best friend, someone I could talk to who just "got me". We were kindred spirits. 

I know it's been said many times that the first year is the hardest. I didn't really believe it at first, and just assumed I'd feel like that for the rest of my life. I realize now, two years on, that yes - the first year is the hardest. It's hard because it's new. It's like losing a part of yourself and it's so hard to figure out who you are after - how do you live with the new you who is so encompassed by grief?

It does take time to process the loss. I still can't believe my mum is gone, two years on! But I find that I no longer spend the entire day thinking about it. Our loved ones who are no longer with us would want us to be happy, and so it is important to try to find ways that we can experience joy. 

I write my mum letters. I know it sounds weird, but it helps. I tell her all about everything that's going on and although it's one sided, it feels a bit like I'm having a chat with her, which I miss so much!

Two years on, I find that sometimes I smile when I think about her instead of cry!!!! Which is how I want it to be moving forward. I want to have a laugh with her, remember the good times. She wouldn't want me to remain a basket case for the rest of my life!

I really hope that you find a way to live with the grief. It's different for everyone. But just the fact that you miss her so much means that you loved her, and that she loved you too. Just remember, that love never went anywhere! She didn't choose to leave, so in a way, the love is still there. All the best. 

Hi Serapine8,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss too and thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it means a lot.

Your first paragraph so describes how I am feeling since loosing my mum. Life just doesn't seem important anymore and I would give my life up just to spend another day with my mum and to feel her arms around me again. 

I think if it wasn't for my 2 beautiful children it would be so much harder as I have to keep going for them even though 90% of the time I feel like giving up. My mum loved her grandchildren so much and I know if she was here she would tell me to snap out of it and give them kids your love as I am fine. She was always putting others before herself.

I talk to mum all the time in my head but I might start writing it down like you said as just writing this down has upset me but I feel like some one is listening.

Fingers cross things will start to get easier like you say and I work out the best way for me to deal with it. 
 

Thank you again for listening and telling me your story. I don't think anything prepares you for loosing a parent. xx