Hi Mary1978. I'm so sorry you are not coping well with your loss. No one ever really prepares us for that kind of loss. I lost my mum two years ago in May. Since then I'm much more fragile, more depressed and anxious than usual, and struggle with finding purpose and joy in life. She was my best friend, someone I could talk to who just "got me". We were kindred spirits. 

I know it's been said many times that the first year is the hardest. I didn't really believe it at first, and just assumed I'd feel like that for the rest of my life. I realize now, two years on, that yes - the first year is the hardest. It's hard because it's new. It's like losing a part of yourself and it's so hard to figure out who you are after - how do you live with the new you who is so encompassed by grief?

It does take time to process the loss. I still can't believe my mum is gone, two years on! But I find that I no longer spend the entire day thinking about it. Our loved ones who are no longer with us would want us to be happy, and so it is important to try to find ways that we can experience joy. 

I write my mum letters. I know it sounds weird, but it helps. I tell her all about everything that's going on and although it's one sided, it feels a bit like I'm having a chat with her, which I miss so much!

Two years on, I find that sometimes I smile when I think about her instead of cry!!!! Which is how I want it to be moving forward. I want to have a laugh with her, remember the good times. She wouldn't want me to remain a basket case for the rest of my life!

I really hope that you find a way to live with the grief. It's different for everyone. But just the fact that you miss her so much means that you loved her, and that she loved you too. Just remember, that love never went anywhere! She didn't choose to leave, so in a way, the love is still there. All the best. 

So tough Mary. It's all so alien, and something that will change us and everything in our lives forever, it's hard to fathom. I lost my mum last July 28th to lung cancer too. She only had it 6/7 weeks, it all happened so quickly, she was rushed to hospital too(but with chest pain) and never made it out. I want to talk to her and tell her things. Everything is always now so bittersweet as I can't tell her about it.

I'm dreading the next few weeks, as I go back to those times last year and the last times we had together. How the future will never have mum in it. I find it hard to comprehend and the thought of it physically hurts still. Like an elephant sitting on my chest. 

Its strange as I don't want the pain to go away as I then worry about forgetting her, new memories replacing old memories etc etc. I was talking to my sisters today about what we will do for mum on the 28th. I think a day of remembrance, remember what she stood for, what she liked and what she taught us in life etc. Obviously each for their own. I think it's important to talk though. I talk to mum all the time, and I talk about her all the time. That's how she'll live on for me. I think being strong for other people sometimes helps you keeps yourself together short term, but just make sure you take some time for you too. Have a cry together, talk about her. I tell people, family and friends that I'm having a tough day and missing mum all the time. I feel that's normal. I also empathise as I'm one to put on a brave face and pretend all is fine, as tbh, as other than my sisters, no one can really understand.

We can just take each day as it comes and do our best to carry on. 

Hi Serapine8,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss too and thank you for taking the time to reply to me, it means a lot.

Your first paragraph so describes how I am feeling since loosing my mum. Life just doesn't seem important anymore and I would give my life up just to spend another day with my mum and to feel her arms around me again. 

I think if it wasn't for my 2 beautiful children it would be so much harder as I have to keep going for them even though 90% of the time I feel like giving up. My mum loved her grandchildren so much and I know if she was here she would tell me to snap out of it and give them kids your love as I am fine. She was always putting others before herself.

I talk to mum all the time in my head but I might start writing it down like you said as just writing this down has upset me but I feel like some one is listening.

Fingers cross things will start to get easier like you say and I work out the best way for me to deal with it. 
 

Thank you again for listening and telling me your story. I don't think anything prepares you for loosing a parent. xx

Hi lisab7,

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. It is horrible as you feel your are reliving everyday again as last year. I thought it would get easier but this week has been so bad. Everyday I am always thinking of her but this week I feel like someone has taken some more of me.

My dad is about a 2-3 hour drive from us, so I am planning to go up there on the 6/7th July, so he isn't on his own. I am hoping we don't have another lock down which will prevent this!. I started a memory box last year for my mum, so I will probably take that with us and go through and remembering the good times :).

i try to talk to my brothers and dad but I don't want to upset them. My husband doesn't fully understand and sometimes asks why I am getting upset. Don't get me wrong he has been very supportive but I suppose it is hard to really understand the pain unless you have been through it. I feel like people expect me to be ok now and I can't talk to them about it. 

I am very thankful for you taking the time to read this and get back to me as I know it must be hard for you especially as it is coming up to a year for you too. Like you say take everyday as it comes.