Adam,

I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same when my father died tewnty years ago. I can only offer you two thoughts.

These are just the things that worked for me. I may be completely wrong about you in which case feel free to ignore what I say and curse me for a fool.

Firstly you are right. Things don't "get better in time", all I can say is that in the end I got used to the fact that they weren't going to.

Secondly I found that creating memorials helps. I sponsored a tiger at London Zoo and had them put up a plate commemorating him with the words "He took his son to the zoo." I found someone to take over the steam engine he was building when he died and finish it. I put a lot of effort into finding quotations for his memorial stone. The point is that you've got a lot of energy from your love for him which is just exploding inside you because it's got nowhere to go. Putting that energy into creating things means you are passing his love on to other people.

Hope that helps.

R

Thank you for your message Robert. I may give those things a go at some point, if/when I find the energy and strength. I'm glad those things helped you. They do make sense.

Thank you for your response, bras1548. Please note that although my life has somewhat changed for the better, I would trade it all just to have my dad back again. Knowing that he is not physically here to enjoy my life with me or that my future husband or kids will never know him, etc. makes me not want to have them. Sometimes I feel like I've already served my purpose which was to care for my parents. I know that for you and I both, the sun will never shine the same again... but it will shine again. I do not underestimate your pain and suffering over your tremendous loss because again, I know the magnitude of pain so take as much time as you need to grieve, cry, scream, etc. But also pray even to your dad. He can still hear you and your thoughts, and he will NEVER leave you. I think it's wonderful that you are still around for your mom as she needs you. Because your dad's passing is so recent, your wounds are fresh right now therefore you are remembering his suffering here on this earth but when those thoughts arise, try not to let them take over your mind. The next time that ANY negative thought enters your head, think or say "NOT TODAY!" and replace that thought with a happy memory of your dad. I promise you that in due time, there will come a time when you will think about him and just smile. You will think about your fond memories and laugh at funny moments that you both shared together. We are only passing through this earth until we reach our final destination. We are not meant to stay here. I understand how you feel when you say that you will never love or be loved the same way again. Even for me, no one can ever fill my dad's shoes or admire me the way he did. He was my biggest fan! I was definitely a "daddy's girl" and I still have my moments. It is okay and expected to feel depressed over the loss of your dad but be sure not to fall into a deep depression. As I previously mentioned, you will see him again. I hope that you find comfort in knowing that your dad is no longer suffering for he is whole and new again. His physical body was only a shell but his spirit is free now and lives on which is why I also previously mentioned that he is dancing and rerejoicing in the Lord's glory. It's okay to not feel optimistic about your future so just live for the day. Everything will be okay. Don't hesitate to ever reach out to me or anyone on this board as we have all felt and still feel your pain so you are not alone. I'm sure that your dad was a beautiful one of a kind man. God bless his soul.

THanks again for your hopeful thoughts. I wish I could find the sort of belief and hope you have. Like you, I would trade everything to be with my dad again. I would have given my life to go with him. He was my angel.

Is that your father in the photo? And the two boys? It's a very nice photo

Thank you again for your response and for your compliment on my profile photo. Yes, that is my dad along with my nephews (his grandchildren). We all adored him. Like you, I would've traded places with him too but you know that we are not meant to go before our parents. Whether you realize it or not, I think that you already have hope and strength just for being vulnerable and reaching out. Again, everything will be okay but you have to trust and believe that you will see him again.

Thank you Carmen

My dad died on the 24th August. I cannot imagine our lives without him. I'm actually struggling to get my mind to accept it. 

Going to visit my mum, without him being there, is just unimaginable to me. 

I can't live without my dad

I'm so sorry to hear that Smithster. It's horrendous. My mind hasn't accepted it either and probably won't for a very, very, very long time (if ever).

Thank you so much bras1548.   Xx

It's my mum I've lost but your words also describe how I feel. Life just seems bleak. I don't know how to navigate through life without her.