I'm just totally lost and I don't feel I can voice that directly on here. I need one to one I think without pressure and I'll have to look into that. Hope you're doing ok 

Thank you . I want to hide right now but at the same time I'm totally lost . Hope you're ok 

Ime good thanks hence i know you will be ok i never ever felt pain like it like youself i was desperate to escape from it .is it simone i remember because you sounded like me but where you going to go those are the things i told you about is how i got through the pain its eventualy turns into a dull ache that comes and goes when it comes i have a dam good blub then i feel better and carry on allways if you can to put something forward to do at the weekend that you and your family can do  its the what the h.ell am i going to do now feeling dosnt help . just  dowhat you can to keep you going till you can manage the agony your in the frustration you feel will drop to . I used to come on here to try and help it is theraputic in a way but it can bring it back to .dont give up simon theres no were els to go. but its your choice ime here anyway best wishs paul

Thank you. Had a bit of a bad week. Bit better now but sleep patterns still out. 

I think posting on here did help me - chance to say how angry I am at this disease of cancer even though writing things down also made me fall apart given my own latest cancer scare and need for surgery. I had my first surgery as a child just a few months before my friend died. The two things are kind of linked. 

Maybe sometimes we go backwards before we go forwards. But it's taken me a long time to process stuff. 

Feeling lost isn't so unusual. I've walked for hours in zombie mode not taking things in around me. Then something small clicks - maybe a bird or a cloud. It's horrible feeling lost. Also double bereavements are especially hard. My grandfather died the same month as my friend. He was very young - early 60s. Maybe that is another reason why I have struggled so much. I feel things will slowly improve for you. Just you can't see that yet. The grief is still far too numbing and raw. Thinking of you. Take care x

Morning Ray,

Just been thinking about you and wondering how you are?

Have you been getting out walking and keeping busy.

Ive had a rough couple of days, it keeps coming in waves. Going back to work Monday, I know its early days but going to try it has i need to get back into some sort of routine, never know what day it is at minute. 

Take Care

Debbie

Hi, getting into a routine of structure they say, I m planning going back in September only because I can tell that they are going through their protocol of trigger points ultimately to the get rid of this burden and let him sink or swim. I’ve got a couple we’ll one really strong person who gives me hand up when the clouds descend. I did go out for walks and cycling but the weather took a downturn and I used that as an excuse to stay in and not face the normal  people. This person I have really helps me but I’m scared that my over burdening personality could make them reconsider their time with me. It would have been Andreas birthday next week it would have been a special affair as she would have been 50. The counselling is helping  but later if I’m honest I feel as though I’m static not moving forward just sad all the time. I hope you move forward as regards work and what do some people say “ get back out there” it will do you good. Well they can go and jump. Sorry if I’m all gloom and there’s you actually doing something, while I’m sinking . Take care and get how can I dare say “ better “ thanks for replying xx take care

Yes it is easy for people to say things like “Life goes on” but they have no clue to how horrific it is to lose ya loved one and be left alone. Its early days for us but it doesnt get any easier.

Im looking forward but also dreading Monday not sure if my head can take learning a new system, i haven't worked since March so feel like i have forgotten everything. Can only give it a try.

Hope alls well for you in September when you go back and your colleagues will probably help you get back into it.

Some nice weather coming so going to get some outside jobs done.

Take care x

Sorry forgot to mention your wifes special birthday, i hope on that day All your family get together so you not alone. Its these hurdles that are going to be difficult for some time to come 

Mines was 3 days after funeral its awful.

take care x