Take care my friend, xx love as always , x 

my god you know I’ve shouted at you god x ahhh I’m angry stop the pain of good people xx in my thoughts as always XX take care talk to you soon xx

Ime so sorry ive been in your possition its two years for me the pain never goes it becomes a dull ache i thought my life had ended but dosnt we cope because we have no choice .i didnt want to get out of bed just a few hours sleep each night it is pain beyond words but it does get easier. dont watever you do drink to drown it out it dosnt . Guilt is the worst because you cant save them or you should have done this said that they this hindsight word is not real a silly word you did your best and thats all any of us can do .paul

Hi Paul thanks for you post my friend, there’s some great people on here who unfortunately share our tragic circumstances, I’m trying to buck my ideas up but can’t . I feel as though I’m letting people down by not following advice and move forward, I cry everyday sometimes it comes unannounced and is sporadic. People have mentioned does Andrea visit you in your dreams , yes she does but they are weird dreams, because it’s in old houses that we have lived in, for example waiting on the doorstep for Andrea to get off the bus from work but she isn’t on the bus she’s upstairs . In another dream Andrea says to me we can’t do that because I’m dead now Ray .Mad mad ..I’m still off work but I saw a colleague today not the best of the bunch and they ignored me and e thought are you ignoring me because you think I’m shirking off work and should get on with it ..people if you read this I’m not the job I do is that you have to be 100% switched on no room for error if a situation occurs and I dot feel anyway near that . I’m lost and unstructured living day by day ,counselling on Wednesday again what a loser I am.

Paul , thanks for that , I thought I ways a sole person going through this , but unfortunately I’m not . I’m in a bit of a selfish world from my part friends are saying Ray when this covid  mess is over we will meet up and do this and that. Hang on a minute , I don’t live your lifestyle I’ve heard you say me and the wife are going to visit places, get a hotel have a meal etc. I keep on getting corrected by my daughter who says dad .. stop it . The counsellor will hear it all on Wednesday.. and then what !! What would Andrea say if she was to see you now . Ahhh . Another day in this rubbish world, so sad and lost , nah got to get better x

You said it mate ye you got to get better .liz and i only needed oneanothere so it was harder but two years ago i was like yourself as i said its now like a dull ache just you keep telling yourself i will be ok and eventualy you will . I joined a social group i go for meals with em it fills a miniscule hole liz left but dont hit the alcohol it makes it worse maybe you have hit rock bottom by coming on here and where can you go then the only way is up myself theres two forms of grief we grieve for aurselves which ok can seem selfish then for our loved ones you have to get through the latter first dont get stuck in it . ye they think a night out and that will sort you out if only it did but nice of em to try. a lot dont even familie can let you down one day at a time eh .p

So sorry. I wish I could find someone to talk to . I trie a while back. Coming up for a year after losing my husband, love of all my life . The pain is horrible. I send you my thoughts . Take care 

Hi talk to me then your not alone on here your in a club that we would dearly not wish we were in but we are . The thing is at times we are so lost in our greif we dont hear we cant our heads are jumbled up with pain and emtyness when we are ready to talk the world around us has gone back to normal and as ive said people change the subject or preten you havnt said anything its flippin annoying or theye think going out for a night out will suddenly cure you of your sadness they do there best but how  do they know it takes a long time to get normality back into your life just going out and not having to say your going out is alian because your a half a person but you do get used to it eventualy how long is up to yourself these are only my views but life does change and takes on a new meaning no matter how you try to hold onto it so how are you??? I only got a bit of your story if you want to tell how it all happend for you your more than wellcome and helping otheres and sharing helps such a lot .paul

Thank you for your reply , I will take you up on your offer , I'm sure it will help.

Annie 

Your wellcome Annie so what happend what type of cancer ???