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Mum - feel bad for not being able to keep her wishes

Lisais2
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I lost my mum to ovarian cancer, long before she was diagnosed she always said once she died she wanted to be with me in an urn in my living room. When mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer she kept saying don’t forget when I’m gone I want to be with you in a lovely urn in your living room. Myself and my dad collected my mums ashes 4 weeks ago and my dad asked to keep her for the night and I said he needs to keep her for a bit, now it’s turned into he’s keeping her ashes but I’m feeling so bad that I haven’t kept to her wishes and have her with me. I understand why my dad wants her at home with him but that doesn’t stop me feeling like I haven’t gone ahead with my mums wishes.  A little support is what I need, am I doing the right thing going against what my mum wanted

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    Hi there

    So sorry for your loss. 

    Gosh...this is a tough one. 
     

    Is your Dad aware of your Mum's wishes to be with you? xxx 

  • Offline in reply to citygirl111

    Hi, 

    Yes, my dad knew her wishes and I understand that he can’t let her go but I have an overwhelming sense of guilt that we haven’t done what she wanted. I just need an outsiders point of view. I love my dad all the world, I don’t want to upset him but I also don’t want to go against what my mum wished for. 

    What do I do? xxx

  • Offline in reply to Lisais2

    Hi there, it's early days for both of you and it's important that this doesn't become a bigger issue and cause problems between you and your Dad.  You don't have to worry about not adhering to Mum's wishes as I'm sure she didn't say that it had to be immediately after her death.  So let Dad grieve in his way and then you can ask him again when you have all cleared your heads a little bit.  Also you could share Mum's ashes which a lot of families do, so you could have half and Dad the other half.  I'm so sorry to hear about losing your Mum, it's a difficult time for all.  I hope this helps a little bit.  Carol x

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    Hiya

    So sorry for the loss of your mum.

    I lost my husband Matt in March from pancreatic cancer .

    I wanted to take and scatter his ashes in Dalyan, Turkey as we loved it there and his family, including his very sick and elderly mum, wanted to scatter them in Dymchurch where they spent many happy childhood holidays.

    I was  more than happy to split the ashes with them, which we did, andI know Matt would have been happy and would have approved as he loved me and his mum so much he would have wanted to make us both happy. I fact, Matt was such a funny and positive man, he would have probably laughed that he was having two holidays this year.

    In all all seriousness, maybe consider splitting them and she will be with you both all of the time which is lovely.

    All the best x

     

     

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