Hi Jayne

Yes, it does get harder as the days go by. I see my mum so vividly but as I step forward she steps back. My heart aches and a laugh, a chat feels so long ago. As you say, the wound will never heal. Have you got any voicemails or videos of your mum? Just to hear her voice again may comfort you. At the moment I can't even look at a picture of my mum, it breaks me and even though I want it to hit, for some reason I have to push it away. I hope in time I can have photos of her around.

Must be so hard going home and your mum not being there, your poor dad. I really feel your sadness. As you say a new way of living. My sister lived with my mum and mums husband, she has very bad days and I can't imagine how hard it is for her. 
 

Work has been ok thanks, I've not had to do my normal job and that has helped a lot, im in the office next week as well so it's easing me in before I start clinical work again. I hope work will be ok when you go back. So hard when your friends/colleagues lives haven't changed at all but we've lost so much.

I've got four lovely girls 35, 33, 30 and 29. My son is 14, I've been very lucky to have such wonderful children and I count my blessings daily. I'm exceptionally close to all of them. My mum helped me raise them and she too was  so very close to them, they've lost a second mum and their struggle is massive. They are there for me though always and help me so much. Second daughter and son still live at home so I'm never on my own. That makes a huge difference for me as they are always there when I'm having very bad days. 
 

Are both your girls at home? Hope you are all able to help each other. 
 

Take care and glad your are there too

Nicola x

Hi rk999

So sorry you've lost your mum, nothing can prepare you and it's so hard saying goodbye. I'm sorry for your dad and brother's loss too. My mum was almost 75, I feel so sad that her life was cut short and that she's missing out on everything she loved so much. 

My mum also had a very rapid decline. It's awful to think of our mums in pain, my mum didn't have the syringe driver attached until her last day so her sedation dose was minimal. I hope the sedation helped your mum but I don't know the answer to your question. 
 

I find this forum very helpful and talking to Jayne has helped me see I'm not alone. It's a comfort when somebody else can identify with the pain and despair that you feel and help you with it.
 

Take care of yourself and your family and i hope you can give each other support. 
 

Please continue to post on this thread if it helps you in anyway.

Best wishes, Nicola 

Hello to you,

Its so heart wrenching to go through this experience, surely only those of us that do can really symphytise. Bless you,mwe feel your pain in the passing of your Mum.

To watch the most dear person you love in pain is traumatic, we had that to and once the pain relief was ramped up you begin to lose the interaction. But it was only then that Mum seemed to be at piece. I know she could hear us talking to her. So I'm sure your Mum could to.Im also sure her pain was gone other wise she wouldn't of relaxed like she did. Mum was a fighter till the end. Of course we didn't want to lose her nor could we watch her suffer anymore with the bowel problem that occurred. It hurts every minute of everyday, a loss like no other. How do we keep going of that I'm not sure. Cry as you must, it won't change what's happened but it is an emotion to be released.

Here if. Want to chat.

kind regards

Jayne

Hi Nicola

How are you ?

Theres still a large wound isn't there.As my brother says a large bow has fallen from the family tree. It would of been Mums 76th Birthday today, each and every special day is so hard to bare. We went to the Hospice to take donations today so that was a positive thing todo.

Think about you often, hope your coping xx

regards 

Jayne 

Hi Jayne, I'm ok thanks.I also think of you often and hope you are coping too. 
 

That must of been a difficult day, accepting your mum isn't here to celebrate, it's just so sad and difficult. I agree with what your brother says, so so hard to accept they are gone. Making donations to the hospice is a very nice thing to do and as you say something positive.

We lost our mum 5 days before her 75th and went to see her in the chapel of rest. We took her flowers, read her birthday cards to her and sung happy birthday. It was a very surreal experience. Especially when your heart doesn't accept this is happening. 
 

I've had some really low days and I feel like after all my denial it's starting to feel real, I can't trick myself into thinking my mum is at home. I miss her and my heart breaks daily.

Thinking of  you, take care 

Nicola x

Hi nicola

 How are you doing. Thinking of you and your family. Xx

regards Jayne xx

Hi Jayne

How are you and lovely to hear from you. I meant to message to see how you are but ran out of time each day. 
 

Life is so hectic again, back to work now and not much time to think but having lots of sleepless nights.

it's my youngest daughters 30th birthday next week, we will celebrate but it will have such bittersweet moments.

How are you and your family doing? Are you back at work now as seeing lots of restrictions lifted. 
 

Thinking of you and your family and I appreciate you taking the time to message me 

Nicola x

Hi Rk999

Life is so cruel. I lost my precious Mum 6 weeks ago.

Out of the blue diagnosed with Pancratic cancer with liver and stomach mets. Right there and then we were told there was little that could be done. The week previous to Mums diagnosis she was in London with me, having lovely meals and walks and living life in her joyous way as she always did. 
The cancer took hold immediately and each day was just torture for her and for us to see our invincible Mum deteriorate in front of our eyes.

Covid stole 3 weeks from us that we were not allowed to visit her in hospital, I don't think I will ever recover from the sadness of seeing her face through the window looking so lost.

We were then told nothing could be done and I brought her home and nursed her until her last breath.

It all feels like a nightmare you can't wake up from.

I lost my wonderful Dad only 7 months ago suddenly too, we were only 3 months in from trying to make sense of losing Dad when Mum was diagnosed. As I wrote this, I can't believe this has happened to us still.

My Mum was 72, it will be her birthday tomorrow, I am dreading it, the first birthday I will not spend with her, we spent them together always. My Dad was 74, no age at all. They were so vibrant.

I am 39, no children, I feel I have nothing to cling onto, thank god for my husband who try's to lift me up.

The loss of both parents in such a short time is more than I can bare, but I'm still standing and some days I don't know how. Mum was the most caring, loving & fun Mum anyone could wish for, she was my world.

Hi Hez2020

I could have wrote this post, I'm 39 as well

I too have lost my mum to Pancreatic Cancer just 6 weeks ago. Her birthday is on Saturday and she would have been 72 also. 

My Mum was full of life too and I can't believe she has been taken from me. She was a very young 71 year old, she was healthy and active. She was so kind and a brilliant Nan. 

I feel like Covid has robbed me of precious time with her, due to COVID there was delays in testing and by the time she was diagnosed it was just too late. 

I just feel so angry and find myself asking Why? Why her? Why did I have to lose my Mum? Why do my children have to live without their Nan? 

Life is just so unfair