Hi there, I am early 30s and have been experiencing anxiety for many years, in the last 3 years or so this has manifested into pretty severe health anxiety.

If you know anything about this subject and can spare 5 minutes to read my post I am open to suggestions....

I have always been close to my dad. He has been the closest person to me all my life. Typical daddy's girl. I idolise him. When I was in my early 20s he lost his business and spiralled into depression and turned to drinking. This is when my anxiety began. I desperately fought to help him to help himself. I needed my dad. This went on for a couple of years and then it hit rock bottom when he attempted to take his life. I brought him to live with me and my fiance and did my best to care for him. Mental health care is not great where I live. I went to doctors, heads of mental health departments...when I say I went to great lengths to get my dad the right treatment I am not exaggerating. However within a year or so of moving in with us my dad had managed to get back on his feet, found a job,got his own house....he even found a girlfriend. I felt like I could breath and relax for the first time in years. I finally had my dad back. He was happy so I was happy. I always had a strong instinct to look after my dad and protect him even when I was a little girl.

6 months later he was diagnosed with terminal cancer. He was 52. When he wasn't in hospital I cared for him myself. He deteriorated fast. He was gone within 4 months. About a year later the effects of it all began to creep into my everyday life.....in the form of anxiety. This was further fuelled by my dad's family bullying me over my inheritance which persisted for the next few years. 

It has been 5 years since he left. I have had children of my own in this time, which are the lights of my life and have saved me in many many ways, But I am crippled with health anxiety. I know it is caused by the years of worry with my dad, and now i am petrified I will die and leave my own kids. Every single thing that goes wrong in my body i convince myself it is cancer. I am at the point I do not know if it is my anxiety causing my health or my health causing my anxiety. I have very real symptoms and very real problems going on.

2 years ago at (it was during the years of bullying from family) I collapsed in my local supermarket. Taken to hospital all seemed ok. For weeks after I couldn't function. Standing up made me feel like i would pass out and I couldn't look after my child properly because I was so weak. Went to a private Dr and he did brain CT & MRI brain scans. Results normal.

Then started to get nerve issues, like tingling in arms and legs. Feelings on my skin like water was dropping on it. Feeling like my nerves were having a fit in a small area of my leg at times. Dr did full bloods. All ok. 

Got a patch of skin on my leg with abnormal changes. It is scaly but not itchy. Been prescribed numerous steroid creams that didn't work. Recently seen dermatology that gave me another cream. If that doesnt work to get biopsy as he had no idea what it was. Also to get a mole off with irregularities.

Been having leg pains coming and going in left leg. Sharp pains up leg, pains in calf. Some days the pains are there some days not. Also nerve pain in left leg.

Recently found numerous lumps down below, inside. Went to gp. She had no idea what they were so waiting on gynaecologist referral. 

Had a lump cut out my left nostril recently.

Get weird aches in my underarms that come and go. But no lumps etc. Have also suffered left breast pain for years. Have seen private consultant 3 times and he says it is normal.

These are just some examples.

I don't understand what is going on with my body. And It is not all anxiety as I have physical lumps etc. And could be coincidence but it is concentrated down my left side weridly. I feel like I am going mad. No Dr knows what is wrong with me. Fibromyalgia /ME has been mentioned.

I am exhausted with worrying about my health and with finding new things wrong so often. I am on meds now, propanolol which help to an extent, I do not want to go onto any type of brain chemical altering drug. That scares me too. I don't even like taking paracetamol.

I just want to live my life enjoying every second of my lovely kids and not worrying I will die and leave them. Have tried to find someone local who deals with health anxiety and PTSD that could help me over one this but no such person exists. Can't even find a Dr to speak to online that deals specialises in both of these issues. Have been down route of Councilling and CBT numerous times. It just doesn't work for me.

Did i mention I can't even hear the word cancer on TV or the radio without a literal shudder going through my body.and having to turn it off. 

I need to find a way to overcome this anxiety before it takes over me completely.