Mum died suddenly of brain mets & I’m struggling

My mum passed away last week from cancer which had spread to her brain. She was told she had brain mets & there was nothing they could do & a week later she passed away. We had a holiday booked for that week to her favourite place & I feel even more cheated that she didn't even get to make it there one last time because of the cancer. 

I'm so devastated as the week before this she was told the new immunotherapy she was on was working and the cancer was shrinking! 
 

Mum was my best friend, we spoke every day, saw each other as much as we could and we went on holiday often when she was well enough. I feel like I've lost such a big part of me. 

Mum was only in her 50s and I feel so upset and angry that she won't get to see my baby grow up and I am struggling to get any sleep because I keep having nightmares. I've signed up for counselling after mum's funeral but feel talking to others who have experienced loss due to cancer at a young age may help me.

Bex
 

 

  • Hello Gilly. I am so sorry to read this message. My Mum is very ill in hospital and i am searching stories, how will i get through it? I have children but i genuinley think i will shut down when she is gone. It is giving me terrible anxiety and i simply feel like she has already gone. The reason i have responded is they think the same is happening to my mum and i just feel so upset reading that someone else is going through it. I can imagine that you are feeling alone, because nobody could ever match that bond that you had. She was your safety blanket, she was your "pick me up", only her really knew you, i honestly feel your pain. I am preparing in my head on how to get through it but you, you poor thing didn't get that chance. Cry when you need too, please see your doctor if it gets too much, don't ever give up. You are your mothers legacy. Make her proud like you always did and one day you will meet her again. X

  • Hi both,

    My Mum had brain mets from secondary breast cancer and died just a few days ago. We found out she had just a few months to life after an original alright prognosis. I'm only 30, she was early 50s and I have two young kids (both under 5). 
     

    She was my best friend and I spoke to her every single day. The last few months I've seen her every day too. Quite honestly I thought I'd be unable to even get out of bed when she passed away but I'm kind of on autopilot I guess. I'm not even sure if it's just shock/denial or whether all the conversations we had together in anticipation are getting me through. 
     

    it just feels surreal, and whilst this is probably of not help at all, I just wanted you to know I'm going through something similar and you're not alone. X

     

  • Sorry for my delay in replying to you, I've been in hospital, but thankfully much better now. 
     

    I'm so sorry to hear you're going through the same thing it's so awful and there really are no words but I'm here if you ever want to talk about it. You're not alone and I'm finding talking to others is really helping.

     

    i miss mum so much, but I'm remembering more of the good times than the end right now and that is keeping me going for my little one. Sending love xx

  • I'm sorry to hear you're going through the same thing, Brain mets are so cruel. I've just turned 31 so similar age to you. 
     

    It's sad to hear you're going through the same thing but also comforting to know that we can talk about it and hopefully help each other in a way.

     

    I was the same as you, for the first week and a half I struggled to get out of bed and spent all my time crying but the past few days I've been on autopilot for my little boy. We've been thrown a really rubbish hand but I'm hoping counselling will really help me, Have you thought about having it too? I know for me talking really helps xx

  • hi , so my mum was diagnosed with lung cancer which had spread to her brain (brain mets) 2 months ago she is 80 years old.

    from initially having no symptoms to one day appearing confused and struggling with speech.

    its now been about 2 months and she is in a nursing home and i have to watch her getting more poorly by the day , its heart breaking they have stopped all her meds apart from steroids (Dex) and morphine for when she is in pain , im lucky now if i get a word out of her as she is really struggling with her speech and she sleeps a lot which is expected and always appears drowsy. i cant fault the palliative care team there doing an amazing job.

    i just want my mum back , and at the same time i hate to see her struggle