Hi so so sorry about your dad yes cancers not like portrayed on the media it has no timescale we can survive for years and then be gone in no time . The answere is yes it does get eisier but realy you have to just grieve theres no magic bullet but there is help out there counciling helplines if its realy effecting your daily life your gp gan help theres cruse bereavment helpli  andhere talking is the best thing you dont mention your mum is she not with you ?  If not sorry if yes just support oneanothere as much as you can . I lost mum and dad and all my aunts and uncles and a year last april my partner to this rotton disease so ive been on the grief road myself so i know it gets easier so just take it easy you have to heal yourself now how long it depends but you will best wishs paul

Thank you for your reply, I'm so sorry for your losses, I'm struggling without my dad let alone how you must of felt losing your partner as well as your parents and family it's heartbreaking cancer is something I now feel so angry about, my mum is still here but still in disbelief , and Her grief is unexplainable normal one minute struggling the next  , which is why when all I wanted to do was turn my phone off and hide I got on with the necessary arrangements and I had to do things I never ever imagined I would have to do,

i know people deal with things differently, and I accept that, I am really struggling with the ashes, that once was my amazing dad. I'm having councilling and it helps when I'm there, but when I'm not I just feel like everything is a blur and life is whizzing past. Iv had a lot of deaths over my life time, mainly due to cancer, but the others all seemed very poorly for what seemed like a long time where as dad was "ok" one minute and gone the next, my 2year old constantly asks about him, they had the closest relationship out of all the grandchildren, it breaks my heart over and over, I have always had a zest for life, always positive but losing dad has hit me like nothing I have ever felt. I'm the strong one that helps the family yet now I'm the one having panic attacks and hours of sobbing my heart out with the reality of it all. I thought I was holding up very well, until the cremation. now I seem to be stuck going between he's still here iv just not seen him and then I realise he actually has gone. Zoelle 

Thanks for your thoughts my liz had first chemo monday massive stroke friday and sepsis took sunday 4 am ime noy looking for sympathy just so you know i understand but its eisier now its not rolling round and round in my head like it did it still hurts but more of a numb ache yet ime not lonely i feel shes still around theres t post on here from sarapine 8 about sign's after loss have a read theres theres been a lot answerd it you might find it a comfort or at least may take your mind off things for a short time . Your going to go through just about every emotion going but you do get through it of caurse we miss them but its not always painful you just have to work at it sounds like your dad made a good job of bringing you up ime sure he would be proud and we dont know if he will not see your kidys grow up untill we go we will not know but i certainly dont think its its end only our bodys die but we are made of more than flesh and blood i talk to my liz not all the time at night usualy no ime not crackers but it helps try it yourself it may help in life your dad sounds like the go to guy so see how it goes eh keep your chin up .p

From what you have wrote it does seem like I am understanding your words, even reading about your liz has upset me because like you very quick events, and funny you should say about not looking for sympathy I'm finding that hard when I don't look for sympathy I just want help with answers yet everyone wants to give you sympathy , I do find talking helps, and I was unsure if people got signs because they are deeply grieving, but iv had some strange signs which I thought  I was imagining until my friend witnessed things first hand, like lights flickering when I go in a room, my phone randomly playing mine and my dads song (which I hadn't listened to since before he died) and my son talking and laughing in the middle of the night, so I do take comfort in these although some might think I'm crazy ha ha. Your words have helped a lot, and it's strange how a stranger can make you feel slightly more settled, with different journeys of grief and different situations. Thank you so much for replying already I feel slightly able to breath abit easier so yes your right talking/writing most definatly helps 

Absolutly its a strengh to talk when i said ime not looking for sympathy i didnt mean you i ment ime passing through grief quite a bit further on than yourself sometimes people reply for many reasons but you dont want there full story when your suffering yourself to me its like stealing someones grief so i just mentioned it about me so you know your not alone .but you know liz going quick like that and your poor dad if the sepais hadnt haken her quick in she would have lasted a bit longer paralised and in pain so for me it was a blessing it didnt feel like that at the time but as time whent by i realised that . Have a read of that post if you can find it theres tbout 95 posts on it including mine they cant all be wrong ime a very lodgical thinker and i think theres things we will never understand or are ment to but trust me its going to hurt and take a while but one day you will wake up and the sun will be shinning your dad and mum brought you into this world to have a great life so make em proud eh you do it .but above all keep talking thats the answer .paul