WHAT TO SAY

I have 2 very close friends who are husband and wife. They have been inseperable all their married life. They have never spent a day apart. The wife is dying but her husband is in a sort of denial. He SAYS that she has terminal cancer, he SAYS she is needing stronger drugs, he SAYS her oxygen levels are getting really low but now that the Palliative care team are getting involved he says he doesnt like them getting involved because it makes his wife's illness more real. So he hasn't really come to terms with the fact she actually IS dying.

 

I don't know what to say to him. He keeps saying he doesnt like the palliative care people because it makes her illness mote real. What can I say to him? I am actually getting quite uncomfortable in myself because how on earth he will cope on his own god only knows. Neither him nor his wife like people helping out and there is no way he would ever go to bereavement groups or have anyone come to talk about it. So what can i say that doesnt sound like Im trying to counsel him myself?!! 

  • Ask him to read some of the posts on here theres many i think we all suffer denial but if its its effec his wifes quality of life its just not on hes terrfied of loosing her its not his desision about pallative care and he is going to suffer so much more afterwards your in a difficult position as he could turn on you maybe show him mine i never got chance for palliative the word pallitive care sent shivers down my spine but its not about dieing its about living in comfort   whats he going to do if his poor wifes in great pain and theres no nurses he cant give morphine maybe get some brochures all hospices have visitor centers there  nhs  may be give your local one a call or call in maybe see what advice they can give .paul