Yes i was same with my partner liz she had so many underlying health problems it pretty much made ill il times but you know adam as a dad myself i would hope you will go out and have a great life out there the worlds a great place its just you have to look and see try C.A.L.M first they are set up for young adults having trouble ime an old git but by did they help me i found them to be the most upbeat just take it one day at a time they gave me a low dose of diazapam for seven days it probably was not noticable just remember the anxiaty attacks are ok you just have to sit em out they will not do you any harm going out into the country and have a good scream shout rant that can help .just keep telling yourself ime ok ill be alright life sucks at the moment but it will get better and the part of your brain that pulls you down will eventualy beleive you and stop the punishment like rebbooting your brain just one day at a time eh support your mum and that will help to .p

Thank you so much Paul. I really, really hope you're right. The problem for me is that I put "all my eggs in one basked" with my dad. I haven't built many relationships. He's always been my world. He has underpinned everything I do. We used to communicate every single day about thoughts, hopes, dreams. He was the love of my life. I know that stands strange, as if I'm talking about a partner rather than a parent. But I've never had a spiritual connection like the one I had with my dad. We adored each other and our souls were intertwined.

I just don't see how I can EVER recover from that. He was the one and only sunshine I have ever had in my life.

Realy adam all the more reason to get out there but not yet its not easy to get out there and meet people but you have loads of friends out the you just havnt met them yet there are social groups out there for every taste theres so many lonely people out there .but not yet if you try and think possitively and get the dark thoughts out of your mind then your life will change dramatically i take it your quite a sensitive person nothing wrong with that just makes it a bit harder if you keep thinking your going to be like this then you will ime sure you dont want that just take it as it comes you have to but we humans can deal with anything like you will .theres a post on here from sarahpine 8 about sighns after loss see if you can find it not now but later it was a great comfort to me

Hi adam dont blame yourself for things you do its not easy meeting otheres .but you can thats the point but not now dont think negativly depression thrives on it .think pos pos i will be ok not easy i know but you can your mum needs you now more than ever she will . Theres a poem i learnd at school call try theres no hill that try cant climb no problem that try cant solve bit rubbarb in a way but so true ive been through the lot as ime an old fart but its served me well just keep telling yourself ill get through this not i hope i do i will make your mum and dad proud eh .paul

Thanks Paul - I think you have to be right about my mum - she is going to be heartbroken - as much as me even perhaps. I just don't know how I'm supposed to support her when my own heart and soul have been broken. Any advice there?

Also, I hope you are getting whatever YOU need at the moment. I realise I haven't asked much about your situation or offered anything. If I can help in some way let me know

Just stick with her adam talk talk talk talk thats the best thing make sure you eat and drink plenty or you will feel even worse tell you mum your there for her and love her the rest well that takes time . Dont worry about me ime okish for you its its first time for me well lets lets say its not my first but i stuck it out and got help ive had a few health issues myself but ill be ok thank you for asking though .maybe let your mum have a read of this site she may want to post something herself its a club none of us want to be in but glad we are in it theres theres one lady who helped me a lot thats how it works .p

You will be ok adam your mum needs you now concentrate on supporting her for your dad eh .paul

Thanks Paul. Glad you're "okish." It sounds to me as if you would make an excellent counsellor (in this area and probably many others).

The thought I have now is this - why does the universe/God/life give us this type of pain? It seems to me that things could have been arranged  differently. I'm not saying my father (or other people's loved ones) should live forever and that nobody should ever die. I just wonder why it has to cause the surviving family so much PAIN. It seems cruel. The person himself/herself gets a relief from pain but the ones left behind have EXCRUCIATING pain.

Anyway, I will take your advice and do what I can for my mum. My heart bleeds for her too

Hi adam i suppose its ihat makes us diffrent from most animals if we its its price we pay for love i suppose our brains are so complex theres parts that we learn not to do bad things if we do we feel guilty i think when we loose someone we go a bit bonkers the othere part that'll keeps it all under control our conscious gets exhausted so then the guilt pain nightmares everything in our sub comes flooding out then as time goes by we get that emotional energy back and start to control it all again like you i and everyone else gets it . But we can cope with just about anything if death wasnt painful the first big problems or pain we would just kill ourselves .i think theres more going on than we will ever know or ar ment to ok our bodies wear out but the energy our thoughs everything that makes us us is still there and we know its there we cant see electrisity and energy but we know its there in fact the scientists agree energy cannot be made or destroyed its been here since the begining of time till the end of time so ergo thats why i dont think we die in the sence of it just ends it cant .what it does we will never know till we get there thanks for compliment just support your mum look after her she will be lost and in doing so it takes a bit of pain off you doing a kindness allways makes us feel better dont try and work out this rotton disease you'll just go round and round in circles it takes young bad good and everything in between theres th order to it just keep telling yourself ill be ok . Try arrange some counciling for you and your mum worked for me we need to talk .