Dear Adam

That broke my heart reading that. I'm so so sorry. I still have my parents and they are both nearly 80. The thought of losing them fills me with utter terror. I have breast cancer and I wouldn't cope without my mum right now. I can only offer you support from a stranger and that I'm thinking of you during this awful time. Cry as much as you need to. I have no idea how you feel but I'm here and so will so many others as a comfort xxxx julie

Hi adam sounds like anxiaty to me dosent matter what age you are male or female in a traumatic situation like this who can criticise you maybe a trip to gp they may give you something short term to get you through it because you will hows your mum coping?? Is she ok i can tell you she will be suffering more so see your gp guick hey ime in my sixtys and ive shed gallons of tears over losses even though i lost the love of my life i still carry on we have no choice gp gave me something as i was falling apart at the seams ime not ashamed to admit it seeing a loved one die is the most mentaly painful experiance you will ever suffer .best wishs paul ps if you feel an attack just sit somewhere quiet and just breath in through your nose and out through your mouth ive had them they only last a few minutes and there over its your bodys flight or flight mechanism just out of wack because of stress your under you'll be ok 

Dear Adam,

My heart breaks for you. I feel the sheer terror you are experiencing . I hope I can offer you some words of comfort. My own mother passed seven weeks ago. I felt the way you feel, the absolute horror that I was about to loose my precious mother. I felt I just couldn't face it, that I would never cope with the emotional pain. But let me tell you, I did, I amazed myself. Looking back, I don't know how, but it was like I was given a strength, maybe divine, and I was gracefully able to cope in the immediate aftermath with the funeral etc. I mentioned this to others, that I was surprised to cope so well, given the fear, stress, lack of sleep, not eating etc. Others too had experienced the same on the loss of their parent, were given a strength, coping ability, grace that you don't ever otherwise experience in life. I don't know what it is, I would like to believe it was my mother, spiritual guides bolstering me with a divine energy to be able to make it through those days gracefully. You too will experience it and be amazed at your strength.  I miss my mother so much, I wish from my heart she was here, I feel so sad at times, but I haven't broken down with utter despair as I did before she passed. I'm so sorry for you, if it's any consolation, your Dad will move into a place so much more beautiful than here, will feel fantastic and will be watching over you.

Thank you Charlie (?) - terror indeed. I had another meltdown half an hour ago. I'm by his bed watching him take his last breaths. Knowing I am about to lose not my soulmate but my SOUL makes my heart collapse. I felt pain in my heart that I will need to keep an eye on.

Thank you for your message and I wish you all the best with your situation. I'm glad your mum is there to help

Hi Paul,

Thanks fo your message. My mum is coping slightly better than I am but only just. I have asked my GP to prescribe something but what I took wasn't strong enough. The pain in my heart is unbelievable.

I've spent 4.5 years in denial, really, pretending to myself that things would work out, hoping they would. Then yesterday when I saw my dad lying there, knowing that he might draw his last breath any minute, all hope was gone and my heart collapsed.

Been having panic attacks ever since. He could go any minute now.

A

Hi O.H,

Thank you for taking the time to write.

I just fear that I won't get / don't have the strength you have/got. I've spent 4.5 years being strong for my father, taking him to every hospital appointment, scouring the internet for possible solutions, encouraging my father when he was afraid.

Well now I am afraid - terrified. And my strength hsa given way. I don't have my daddy with me to prop me up any more. There he is, drawing his last breaths, and I can't do anything. All my life he has been the ONE thing that's kept me going (when I was depressed, when I lost my way).

I am very glad you have found that strength. At least the universe has not been universally cruel

Hi just hold on you'll get through it its horrid when mum was going i told her i loved her and said sorry for anything i had done not much help but i felt better afterwards but you will cope we seem to get strengh from somewhere just dont worry how you feel your brain will protect you daft as it sounds .paul

Thanks Paul. Yes, I've been doing the same (saying sorry for anything I did or didn't do). Trouble is my dad is completely out of it - totally unconscious. 

I hope you're right about my brain protecting me in the long run because I'm worried about sinking into deep depression (which I've had before).

Your dad will have heard you that last thing lost is hearing . Ye depression sucks adam .i went out and got all the help i could counciling joined bereavement group talk my hind legs of .and yes your brain does protect you thats why we get a bit fuzzy and forgetfull it numbs us for a while we cant concentrate a lot have said that they cant remember there loved ones but it comes back theres a fine line between grief and depression .i read a lot about this and there are facets of our brains that we dont control even panick attacks are our brains was of saving us because its our flyt or fight system out of wack a bit you keep comeing on here and me and others will support you as best we can .theres the samaritans cruz so many out there .i used to ring calme they were good the numbers on the web bear in mind ime just like you but ive lost so many so ive a bit of expieriance so i know you WILL be ok but it takes time stick with your mum she needs you to .paul