Good morning Ben

Thank you so much for your  kind words I don't really know how I ended up on this site in the middle of the night but I'm glad I found it It sound rediculous but to know others are working through the same thing somehow helps Which seems crazy cos I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone Its just nice to have somewhere to go to get things out of your head Thank you again ️

Hello Sho59

I am so sorry to hear about your soul mates death.  There are really no words of comfort I can offer you, other than to tell you, you are not alone.  Last night I posted something on CR Chat..... forgive me for "cutting and pasting" a section of it below.  I hope it helps bring you some solace....

"Nothing anyone says will bring you much comfort.  Nobody truly knows what you're going through - even those who are going through it too.  Nobody really knows what you've lost because every marriage, relationship and person is different. There will be days when you don't want to "be" any more.  Not that you want to do yourself any harm but you just want the world to stop so you can get off. There will be times (lots of them), when you think you will never smile or care about anything again. There will be days when everything reminds you of what you've lost.  Family and friends will eventually resume their lives (as they must, and as you'd want them to) and you will wonder how you fit in anymore.  There will be many, many moments when the future stretches out so far in front of you and you're just so scared that it takes your breath away.  This and so much more will challenge you, but you WILL get through it.  You will be changed, life will never be the same again.  But remember..... we loved and were loved.  We must hold our heads high and believe that we will survive this because that great love has made us stronger than death and we will carry that love with us always. 

Being happy is a choice.... one day I'm going to make the choice to be happy again - not yet - it's too soon.  But one day I am going to smile, laugh and look forward to a future with my beloved Steve always in my heart."

Please try to believe that you ARE strong enough to get through this.  It is absolute hell on earth, but how lucky were we to be so loved by such amazing human beings?

Ruth x

Hi Ruth I'm so sorry to hear youare struggling too It's so true that I feel totally blessed to love and to have been loved so deeply and completely I hold all my memories of Colin so dearly in my heart My head tells me I'm strong and I that I will survive this and I know I  will but for now  my heart is completely shattered Thank you so much for your kindness and lovely words  It is so nice to have some where to come and know you're not alone My boys are absolutely fantastic and phone everyday but I don't say too much as I don't want to burden them they are having their own struggles and I feel that I have to be careful what I say I don't want them worrying  I am here if I can be of any help to you at all anytime Take care lovely sending love and hugs your way Shona xx

Hi everyone, I too am struggling with the loss of my beautiful husband... he was only 45. We had so many plans and I feel we’ve been robbed of these by this cruel disease. So to wake up in a state this morning, can’t stop crying and the pain is unbearable and read this thread is a bit like fate, reminding me that I am not alone...but still at the moment I can’t fatham how I’m going to get through this, same as you all x

sorry I’ll stop waffling now, just wanted thank you all for reminding me that regardless we have to put one foot in front of the other and every hour then day is an achievement xx love Tina

so

Hi Tina,

very sadly I have 12 months experience of this and I remember how difficult those first few months were. And just as I thought I was coming out of the fog at about 3–4 months I went sliding back down into the abyss again. But after that the steps forward that I took were more solid and I felt I was making progress.don't be surprised if you follow the same pattern. it is, literally, a day today existence for you at the moment.

You mention your boys and not overburdening them. I don't have children so I can't really empathise but, assuming your boys are adults, please don't hide from them. If you are all pretending you are stronger, coping better than you are you are setting yourselves up for a fall further down the line. Be honest about how you're feeling – sometimes saying it out loud to someone really helps rather than keeping it bottled up.

take care of yourself and believe there is life after death – I don't mean spiritually speaking I mean for those of us left behind.

xx

Shona, Colin would be so proud of you. I have so much sympathy for you my dear, and everyone in the early stages of grief, it is unbearable, it is crushing and it is so debilitating. You want to run away from it but there is nowhere to run. Please take it one day at a time... and if that's too much an hour at a time. Don't bottle anything up – if you want to have a meltdown, have a meltdown.

thinking of you and hoping that you start to see the sunshine soon.

xx

Hi Tina

So sorry for your loss I know how devastating it is  45 is so young too this vile destructive disease has destroyed so many lives hopes and dreams it's hard not to feel such anger towards it but I have realised that being angry doesn't work and only hurts more so I try to keep love in my heart and count my blessings Im sure you've heard the saying Tina It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all Having all my memories some how keep me going i would not have missed a single moment that Colin and I shared the good and the bad and I'm sure you feel the same Im glad you stumbled on my post today just remember You are not on your own I send you lots of love and hugs try keep going one day at a time 

love  Shona xx ️

Thanks Ruth for taking time to speak to me you just don't know how much it means to me at this terrible time for us all Steve was a very lucky man to have had such a compassionate partner Keep going and Thanks again for your amazing kindness

love Shona xxx

Hi just read your post to sho59 its seems to happen that way you think ime managing and bang something sets it of again dosnt matter about having kids adult or any age .its a dam lonely road  is grief and know one knows how you feel how can they .i can tell you do cope and it gets eisier you just have to take one day at a time i lost my partner a year and a half ago i found doing anything a bit you name it was so difficult but as time went by i could if you havant had counciling maybe try that the hospice is the best because loosing a husband wife partner is the lonelyest of grief bereavement groups are ok all these little things help its like been robbed but hold on it does get eisier one day you dont wake up and that horrible feeling dosnt hit so i found myself and from what ive read most others to best wishs paul