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Struggling to understand

ashbam2007
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Hello, 

my mum past away just over a month ago. I am devasted but after a long battle with cancer I am bitter sweetly happy she is no long suffering and in pain,

 

im struggling to mentally get past the syringe driver. She had one fitted the day before she passed away. My mums nurse suggested we did it as it was a Friday, she was going away for a week and thought it would be best to do before the weekend and she went away.

baring in mind, my mum was still able to swallow, drink, eat and sit up. 

 

However i I had never heard of a syringe driver, mums nurse sold it to me that it would be easier for all of us. It would be the same medication just administered a different way.

 

within an hour of having the driver in place my mum had gone from being a fairly poorly but coherent person to a zombie. I had no idea what was going on, she was very distressed and being only able to conunicate  through her eyes we could work our she still in pain hours later, she didn’t rest at all that day, eyes constantly open and watching people (Previous days she was sleep most of the time) 

i couldn’t explain to my littlle brother why just a few hours before she could do things and now she couldn’t.

 

it it wasn’t until midnight and I went though her notes was I aware she was given midazolam. This was never told to me. I also found out a nurse was supposed to have come back and given her an injection of haloperidol which was forgotten about. 

 

I just keep replaying those last 24 hours Over in my head 

 

had I been told what was going to happen, I may have been prepared. I would have had answers not just for me but for my little brother. I could have consoled my mother better. 

 

Theres also a good chance i would have said no, as it was far to early. She could have had morphine injections as the night nurse which I called out as I was so worried. mentioned to me. 

 

 

 

 

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    id just like to know if anyone else has felt similar or gone through anything similar? 

    Im not sure whether I should speak up to the district nurses. Just so maybe this kind of thing won’t happen again.

    or am I just doing the grief anger thing and seeking blame? 

    Just feel hurt and confused by it all 

  • Offline in reply to ashbam2007

    Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... and I would feel the same as you .. there's been quite a few threads over time , saying this... I'd deff make some enquiry into how and why .. esp if they should be given haloperidol after, and wasn't.. 

    It may be worth going to the complaints part of N H S  ... so you can find out the facts ...

    Chrissie x

  • Offline in reply to ashbam2007

    Hello,

    i am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Dad coming up to nearly a year now and I still struggle to believe he has gone for good. We too were “persuaded” that a syringe driver would be best for my Dad and didn’t realise the consequences were to be end of life. He too was sat up chatting but as soon as it was in, he was like a zombie and didn’t communicate again. I also felt that as soon as we agreed to it, they were so quick to get it organised and in place, whereas if we had asked for 2 paracetamol, this would probably have taken hours! 

    Yes it probably is the anger talking a little but you must trust your instincts too and if something doesn’t feel right, perhaps put it in writing first, like a letter of complaint, and get it off your chest and then with time, see if you want to send it still.

    In all honesty, my Dad was probably going to die within weeks whether the syringe driver was given that day or not. I can only take comfort in that because we saw such a quick deterioration, we saw it wouldn’t be long and stayed by his side until the the end and luckily he was well sedated so also pain free. 

    Again im sorry for your loss and I am sure you will do the right thing. Sending love at this sad time xx

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    Hi so sorry about your mum if you feel that you need answers ring local hospital your mum was under all hospitals have a paitiant liasion its call p.a.ls they will investigate fore you impartialy its free they send you a form like crissie says that question about syring drivers comes quite regulary the hospital will give contact number allso if you ring local hospis and arrange some counciling they can answer questions to but to help you just ring and ask for head counciler in the months to come we all have questions but some dont carry it on as it can be quite painful at forst .paul

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