Hi 

So sorry for your loss. I lost my lovely mum 5 weeks ago suddenly and am still trying to get over the shock and come to terms with what has happened.

I decided not to view her body as I wanted to remember the morning she died when we were chatting and laughing together about something.

As it happens I rarely remember that last memory and think of other things that we did in the days and weeks leading up to her death such as food shopping and watching gogglebox together.

I dont regret at all not seeing her body as she would not have looked as she once had and when my dad died suddenly 20 years ago the funeral directors advised me not to view his body. Again I dont regret that decision.

The point is that whether you go or not is up to you but you probably wont focus on that last sighting or the one where he died.you will think of things you last did together or other memories.

Good luck with whatever you decide but dont do this just because you want to erase the last memory you have of your dad.

Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss. My mum died of ovarian cancer 12 weeks after diagnosis. She still looked like my mum until the last week before she died. I was with her all the time. The funeral director was a friend of ours and he arranged for me to see her (my brother and dad chose not to). I wish now that I hadn't because it didn't look like mum. Her skin was very shiny which accentuated the loss of flesh on her face - they had also put a small amount of make up on her to try & mitigate the shiny face but mum rarely wore make up so she looked nothing like the mum I knew & loved. I prefer to remember her as she was just before she became ill. Only you can make the choice - if you think you will regret not going for that last goodbye then try and see past the work they will have done to make your dad 'presentable' however don't think they make him look like he did before he became ill. If you choose not to go that's fine too - your dad knew you were with him at the end and that's all that matters. 

Good luck, whatever you choose,

Angie

Hi, I’m so sorry for your loss. 
My wonderful dad died 9 months ago and there isn’t a day when I cry as I miss him so much still.

Everyone is different and the choice is yours obviously but I did chose to see my Dad and I’m pleased I did personally. He was free of machines and medical equipment. He still looked like my Dad to me and I talked to him and told him now much I loved and admired him. I actually visited him on more than one occasion and the day before his funeral, I took in a letter I wrote to him and some photographs to keep him company for his next journey. 
I’m sure you will make the right decision but just wanted to say, there is nothing to be frightened of.

Sorry again for your loss. Sending love X

Hi i i went and i i found it very distressing it wasnt my dad i i wouldnt recomend it you have seen enough distressing things better to remember him in a better light ime sure you will get other oppinions but i i think you have your doupts . The life force was gone . Sorry about your dad and you its awfull best wishs paul ps when i go i dont want my kids to come i want them to remember me alive and dont want them to come so ime going to take there guilt away about not coming by telling them not to i lost my love just over a year ago seeing her last breath was enough for me seeing that its your choice of caurse 

Hi Catwoman. I am so sorry for your loss. You are very lucky to have been at your dad's side when he passed. So many people couldn't be there when their loved ones passed, and they would probably all feel the need to go to the chapel of rest. You in a strange kind of way have an easier choice. I was also fortunate enough to be by my dear husband's side when he passed, and also my dad's. In both cases I didn't go to the chapel of rest. I wasn't there when my nan passed, so I decided to go to the chapel of rest. I really wish I hadn't now. My experience was horrible. Nan's eye was slightly open, and her soul had gone. It wasn't the nan I knew and loved. I also saw my step dad an hour after passing, and then in the chapel of rest days later ( to support his birth children) again, I thought the memory of seeing him in the chapel was not nice at all. You can have a clear decision with out the guilt. I hope this helps. All the best Tina :-) X

Hi Catwoman414

I was thinking along the same lines as you. My lovely Mum died yesterday in hospital at 2.15am. My Dad, sister and I spent several hours with her on Friday (she had been moved to a side room) till about 7pm. During this time we were able to talk to her, she wasn't really responsive, but she was very hot andd I was gently sponging her face and hands to cool her down and we could hold her hands. We thought she would go in the night and Dad didn't want to leave her side. He sent us 2 home and we said goodbye to her. I asked the hospital to ring which they did and we went to collect Dad. We spend some time with Mum and she didn't look awful to me, just like my mum still, she was still warm as it hadn't been long since she died. I kissed her goodbye and stroked her hair and said what I wanted to her, my sister didn't feel she was able to do this. My dad did the same and we went home. I know he will want to see her in the Chapel of Rest but I don't think I want to, nor does my sister. My mum went with my dad to see his mum at the Chapel of Rest and I remember her saying Nan looked awful, she had make up on and just looked artificial. So I think I will prefer to think of Mum how I last saw her, just looking as if she were asleep. And we all have photos to look at and lovely memories of our departed loved ones. I think as typing this, I have made my decision not to go to the Chapel of Rest. Thank you everyone for your comments on this thread and let's hope we are all happy with our last decisions.

Love and best wished to all those suffering from loss

Cazza59

Hello there,I am sure you will be happy with your decision as it’s made from the heart. We all deal in our own ways with grief and what ever you decide it is the right decision

kind Regards

Maddy

Its been many years since i lost dad i went to see him god i wish i hadn't that memories still with me now so you did right i dont want my kids to come and see me when i go some seem to feel it was ok but more dont i watched my partners last breath that was enough i i wasnt going to punish myself again  when mum went i i didnt go then i was there for her last breath to that was enough and granson i held him as life goes on we loose more and more i  felt like an orphan when mum went .but lthe pain goes eventualy or we would all go mad .paul