Hi there ...

Oh my .. it's a crying shame some don't have no empathy .. like we should move on and not miss and remember our loved ones ... well my hunny .. you come on here, and you talk all you want .. there's always someone who will listen and know how hard it is grieving ...

Now my mum died suddenly from a heart attack.... and me and my sister's got to the hospital too late to see her, or to say goodbye .. or how much we all loved her ..  she was the most funny, loving mum and nanny we could ever want ... I was 36 at the time ..

I got home from the hospital, sat on my stairs for ages, wondering how to tell my son's their wonderfull nanny had gone .. my dog came and put his head on my shoulder and just stayed like that for what seemed an age ... like he knew ... when I went into the kitchen where my ex hubby was .. I told him my mum had died .. "oh well " he said "everyone's got to die sometime"  needless to say l stopped loving him that day .. and that's why he's my ex ...

It's not so much their fault .. he was brought up without emotion .. maybe your hubby was too .. so they never learned how to show compation ... I was blessed with a wonderful caring family ... so l was allowed to feel all those feelings ... 

Now my mum was full of laughter and she was the best mum I could have wanted .. so I made albums of her and her life, where me and my son's often looked and remembered .. they still talk about her now, 30 years on ... 

Now I'm on my cancer journey... I've made a memory book for my little granddaughter... she's 7 .. and I started it when she was 1 .. of all the things we've done.. and places we've been .. so I know if I go, she will know how much I love her ...

Could you do that .. make a memory book .. put pictures in and write those things you want to remember .. yes it pulls at the heartstrings ... but oh how wonderfull to look back at those days .. and your hubby doesn't need to know .. you can do it for you, and your boys .. he doesn't need to know ... 

I've tried to live my life to make mum proud .. I've tried to put into practice those things she taught me .. and if I get teary, even now when I hear, "I just called to say I love you" then I let those feelings out still, 30 years on .. there's no limit to grief .. there's no "getting over it" we just learn to live with missing them ...

Sending you a vertual hug.... Chrissie  

Thank you so much, Chrissie. I’m so sorry you’re going through your own cancer journey. I think what you’re doing for the little one is so precious! What a beautiful thing to do! 

I was very close to my daddy and we, as a family, were not and still aren’t cold fish. I made three huge canvas boards full of his photos for after the funeral to put the focus back on his wonderful life rather than his death. I still can’t bring myself to go to my friend’s house to collect them. Not yet. I’ve planted roses with some of his ashes, I’ve had jewellery made with some his and Mum’s ashes ( hopefully coming soon), I’ve been to a classic car show at the invite of the club he was chairman of and lost the plot when they all horn hooted in his honour, plus they gave a memorial plate with his name on as an award which will be given out each year. I’m a believer so I pray a lot. I mean a lot. I know he accepted the faith and became a believer some months before he died, so I know I’ll see him  again. It’s the void that’s left and the, now, having to pretend I’m ok when I’m so not that hurts.

one good thing is that it’s turned me to you guys for comfort. I have had some very unkind thoughts about my husband and wishing, well, I won’t say more but you get my meaning. I don’t mean it but I feel it. When I’m at work I cope well due to being so busy, acts as a distraction. When I’m on my own or in the evenings I just want to curl up in a ball and cry til all the cry is out!

Id mentioned trying antidepressants again but he poo pooed that idea. Helpful, right?

my dad was such a kind, loving, gentle, understanding and compassionate man. My husband just wants his ‘normal’ back. I get it. Just can’t do it.

Huge love.  Thank you for replying to me. I’m really grateful xxx

Hi sweetie - I don't know whether your husband is an *.... or not but he certainly isn't very empathetic. I was going to ask whether he's lost either of his parents but actually why are we bothering about him? He's wrong W.R.O.N.G. it's not even 2 months since you lost your dad & there isn't a time limit on grief. No-one thinks ok 2 months time's up - move on or if they do they're idiots.

What matters at this moment is you & how you feel & you are still in the grieving process which is often 1 step forward & 2 back. You mustn't under any circumstances try to stop this process before it's completely finished, otherwise you'll just store up unhappiness for yourself in the future & it will come back in unexpected & destructive ways.

Feel how you need to feel regardless of what your husband says. If he isn't supportive are there friends you can turn to instead? Otherwise as Chriss says come here for it - people will always hold out a helping hand & listen.

Do take care of yourself & keep in touch. xx

O dear you are going through the mill you blub and feel however you feel you cant rush grief or it just comes back later i was a basket case for 4months after i lost my partner know one knows how you feel try and cut your husband some slack he maybe a a.hole or its just the way we are brught up we men are brought up to be strong and i was lizs rock she totaly relyed on me how could i fold just you do what you feel hes lucky to have someone that cares ask him would he like you to be hard and uncaring if he was ill you have to go through so many diffrent emotions befor theres light at the end of the tunnel but it does get eisier try a bit bit of councilling most councilers are females and very understanding and dont dont try to change the subject like many you will find do as time goes on . It Gives you a time for your grief no one else cutting in and saying how they feel or i did this or that if you dont tell you husband how you feel and to be a bit more understanding or you will end up resenting him and thats a death nell to a marrige so ime sorry and my best wishs but  your doing ok you will get there but in your time not his .paul