My dad died last week after a 2 year battle with cancer.
By way of background. My dad left my mum, my sister and me when I was 8 and my sister was 6. He left at Christmas, and left with the woman he’s now been married to for 30 years. That same day she walked out on three children and she’s never had any contact with them can since. Over the years I’ve tried to forgive him for leaving but he’s never been a great dad. When I was young he would make no contact for a year of two at a time. That contact has increased over the years to a phone call every week or every fortnight but he’s still dodged everything that may mean he needs go get involved in any sort of responsibility for my entire life (I’m now 39).
Dad used to live 4 hours away from us but 3 years ago he moved nearer to me and my sister. I suspect that he knew he was poorly at this point and wanted to know his wife would not be left on her own. Although our contact has increased, he’s still kept us at a very safe distance until the last 6 weeks when he was at the end of his life. I have sat with him every day for hours at a time and supported both him and his wife as best I could. Anyway, dad passed last week and I’m glad I had that time with him. My step mum is now leaning heavily on me and my sister, which I get as she is in shock and lonely but I can’t help thinking that if she hadn’t cut off her own family she would have plenty of support around her.
I wad speaking to the humanist this morning who will br leading dads funeral. He asked me for some memories and things I wanted him to say and I was hit with a wave of bitterness. He was my dad and i loved him because he was my dad but he’s not been a good one. How can I say nice things about someone who put himself and his own needs ahead of everyone else, for his entire life. I’m fortunate we have a step dad who is lovely and has done all the things over the years my dad should have done.
I never realised I still harboured so much resentment for what he did in the past. I’m faced with hurt and upset that yet again dad put his own feelings first and came back here so that his wife would have someone to look after her when he’d gone. This woman broke up our family and although I’ve always been pleasant to her, I’m just left with a load of new resentment at the whole situation.
Sorry, I’m waffling. I don’t even really know what advice I’m asking for, just needed to vent. X
